Tuesday, July 19, 2011


Please excuse this week's El Lamo-o Haiku Contest assessment.

I'm exhausted, y'all.

I've been sleeping just fine but working hard (and working out) and the icing on the cake of be-all-that-you-can-be was this morning's near vomit-inducing workout with my trainer. I guess she thinks I'm stronger and fitter than I am, and I guess I'm too embarrassed to relieve her of that notion. So the end result is the kind of stalemate that keeps me swallowing back hurl and spending the rest of my Tuesdays wishing for the succor of a box of donuts and my blankie.

But, nooooooooooooo. I'm now up to my eyeballs in work work. But before I go slug down a Red Bull and put on my game face, here's my short but sweet run down of the runner's up and winner's of this week's contest.

Being as I'm a huge fan of Hunter S. Thompson (RIP), I was immediately attracted to Czar's nifty ode to the inimitable Dr. G:

Whiskey/drug-fueled screeds
Skewer Vegas, politics:
"Ah, Dr. Thompson."

Then Troll chimed in with a haiku that confused me at first, but once the fog cleared, I laughed my ass off:

The Smug Zoology Student's Last Words. Unless, you count "Aaaarghhhhhh" as a word.

Let go! The book says
that you only hunt at night.
Illiterate Beast!

Troll's brilliant with titles, too.

Uncle must have gifted Aunty something real pretty because she allowed him back into this week's contest with another snappy 'ku:

Blind Daze

Sleet needled morn, he
crouches low amid the reeds-
to outwit a duck.

Sleet needled morn . . . damn. Wish I'd written that.

And then Buzz, whose play is intermittent but when he's able, he's spot on.

Left on desk - I'm sure.
Plan and place for everything.
Gone . . . damn you woman!

And the winner be: neck and neck between Troll and Buzz with Buzz edging Troll out by a hair. Simply because, well, I can so relate. And, I'm sorry. All women are like this, really, and I have no idea why. Blame it on our genetics. While you all were out thumping meat over the head, we were back at camp making things . . . orderly. Because we were bored out of our Cro Magnon skulls. We've come a long way since then, baby, but not long enough to divest ourselves entirely of this particular piece of our DNA. Deal.

So, Buzz, looks like it's your turn to host, judge, and perhaps even offer up a fabuloso prize. Can't wait.


sparringK9 said...

Congrats to buzz - i loved his and laughed too -but dont put that all women thing on it. i never ever touch V's desk or anything having to do with guitars or amps. ever. not EVER. in fact, our house it pretty orderly right up to the moment you lay eyes on V's "work area" ask boxa. she'll back me up.

fine haikus this round. Interesting isnt it, Moi. we all had luxurious time to play at your house and then it was BAM for all three of us. Its a good thing except it makes it like, a 12 squirt anxiety spray day.

Well done everyone!!

cant wait to see what Buzz does with hosting.

czar said...


Many congrats to Buzz. Great choice, Moi.

moi said...

K9: The universe was kind to us for those three days, wasn't it?

Okay, so not all women do this to their men. And I don't touch S.B.'s guitars or guns, but his desk and shelving? I don't even GO in his office, I just know it's there, gathering dust and boy germs and . . . gah! I try, oh, I try, but after a month or so, I just can't stand it. So I tell him, vacate for an hour, and let me have my time with my Endust, PLEASE!

Czar: So, inquiring minds want to know: Does the Czarina meddle in your workspace?

Karl said...

Good afternoon Moi,

Tired or not, you're the hostess with the mostess.

Ata-boy Buzz Kill! A fine Haiku and a sentiment I can understand. But, don't quit your day job.

czar said...

Moi: The czarina hates my workspace. Anytime she's forced to stand here for a few minutes (there being no other place to sit), you can tell she can't wait to get out. So I do have some private dumping ground here, although I'm beginning to loathe it as well. After so many years, familiarity is breeding contempt in a big way.

Jenny said...

Congrats to Buzz!

Sorry you got your ass kicked today... and you get pay her too, right? AHAHAHAH.

And yes, K9's house is pristine.... except for a certain area. My house is the same. I just close the door and ignore the Pig Pen Style lifestyle Mr. Boxer creates.

Jenny said...

and bwahahahah to K9's "12 squirt anxiety spray"

but, I don't spray my vodka. ;-)

moi said...

Karl: Thank you kindly, sir.

Czar: Do you guys communicate with walkie talkies? Sounds like you need an office makeover. And, perhaps, a window.

Boxer: What IS it about some men, I wonder, that makes them ignore all those little things that have us breaking out the Comet? As for my trainer, she is doing exactly what I asked her to. The wisdom of which it is now too late for me to question.

Sharon Rudd said...

Great entries - and an excellent win by Buzzy!

Buzz Kill said...

I am honored. You love me, you really love me. Honestly, I thought Uncle had this wrapped up with the "sleet needled morn". Mine was more of a rant than a haiku.

I have kind of a circular logic to everything I do. I think many steps ahead and I may leave something on the foyer table in step 2 fully intending to do something with it in step 7. The Mrs has never gotten this (22 years) and will move the item in step 2 because she thinks I'm a slob or soemthing. That's where that haiku came from.

So I guess I'm judge, jury and executioner for next week. I'll come by here in a day or 2 and post a link with the rules and regulations. Thanks again to Moi for giving me a mercy win.

moi said...

Eggy: You should play again!

Buzz: Not a mercy win. But maybe a mood win. Sometimes I just go with what strikes me initially or keeps popping up in my head. Uncle's was very good, the last line especially, "to outwit a duck," cracked me up. Still I kept coming back to the emphatic/comic nature of yours.

Aunty Belle said...

Way to go BuzzK!

I laughed too--at yores an' Troll's.
Ever'body recognizes the WHO MOVED MY STUFF? lament.

I doan never ever touch Uncle's stuff--well, mebbe the deer haids in the buggy barn (they's still sportin' the Christmas garland. After all, the man has a few guns.

We's lookin' forward to yore theme next week, BuzzK.

Moi? Why in tarnation is ya workin' out that hard? Trainin' fer a run? Mercy, Chile'.

Thanky fer hostessin' despite the crunch--job nicely done.

fishy said...

Yeah Buzz!
We have ALL spent too many life hours hunting for what someone else has "organized" for us. I do not go into Blowfish's office, nor move keys, wallet, cell phone.

Looking forward to your theme, it's sure to be .... circular?

Anonymous said...

good recap congrats buz

moi said...

Aunty: I'm not training for anything specific yet, Aunty, but I'm aiming to improve my speed, endurance, and agility. This trainer focuses on weight-training specifically to help runners and tri-athletes do that.

Fishy: And S.B. never messes with my stuff, which I appreciate. Except when he empties the dishwasher, and then I can't find a thing . . .

Troll: Yours was neck and neck. Title was priceless.

Buzz Kill said...

After much agonizing over next week's haiku theme (I was watching the Phils come from behind to beat the Cubs), I'm going with a theme that is very much on my mind this coming week - SWEAT.

Here in South Jersey land, we're in the middle of a record heat wave and haven't had any rain in like 2 weeks. This weekend we will have 100 degree days with 99% humidity. So we sweat - perspire, stick to the car seats, soak our shirts and sit in front of the A/C unit and hope the power doesn't go out.

That's the theme. I'll have a post up at the Buzzkill sometime this weekend where you can leave your haiku or haiku link. You can do as many as you like, but I will only judge the ONE you tell me to. I've got no prizes, so it will just be for the Badge of Great Honor. Good luck to all.

moi said...

Buzz: Awesome theme! Thanks and I'll definitely be 'round.

Fleurdeleo said...

Congrats, Buzz!

Buzz Kill said...

Sweaty Haikus can be found here. Entry deadline is the end=of-the-day Monday. Good luck.