Thursday, March 3, 2011

American Idol Snark Station: Girls Just Wanna?

What? Prove they can put me to sleep faster than the anesthesia I was given at 7am yesterday morning?

Puhleeze. I barely got through this. So let's get to it, shall we?

Ta-Tynisa Wilson, who sang "Only Girl." First of all, hated the outfit (what's with all the wedge booties?). Second of all, she was way too flat and way too low. Besides who the heck is going to be able to pronounce her name, if she ever gets it ON a record album?

Rachel Zevita, not only for the fact that she Lolita-ed herself out (ick, little girls as sex objects, ick!), but that she also butchered one of my all time favorite songs, Fiona (bite the) Apple's sexy/smooth "Criminal."

Karen Rodriguez, who rocked the column dress trend but bored me to tears with "Hero." I still haven't fully woken up from the performance. Geez. What does a girl gotta do to get a little la vida loca around here?

Haley Reinhart with "Fallin'" because, seriously, haven't we already sent this song out into the universe way more than enough times? Somewhere in a galaxy far, far away, within a solar system much like ours, on a big blue planet supporting similarly intelligent life, some poor, innocent being is scanning its little corner of heaven in order to make contact with other forms of intelligent life, when, suddenly, something comes through its headphones. "Blimey!" it shouts. "Not this &@#$%&* song again?!?" Alicia Keys did it first, did it best, and now can we just put it to rest?

Lauren Alaina with "Turn on the Radio." Lots of energy, lots of parallels to Kelly Clarkson, which is a good thing.

Ashton Jones. What did she sing? Oh, yeah. "Love Over Me." Doesn't really matter, though. What does matter is that she has an incredibly professional stage presence. The ONLY girl who not only looked comfortable up there, but who could also work the camera. She gonna be a star. Either that, or a high class hooker.

And, finally, Naima Adedapo. Sure, her rendition of "Summertime" wasn't near what Fantasia Barino's was, but I like the way she jazzed it up, and I like her over all look, in spite of that hideous home-designed gown.

Everybody else? Just, meh, and that goes for Pia Toscano's "I'll Stand by You." Even though I love the Pretenders with every ounce of my being, sweet Jesus, this is one boring-ass song and Pia's to-the-rafters, soap operatic treatment is exactly the kind of earnest performance that sends me into fits of embarrassment.

What say you, members of the Idol Nation?


Karl said...

Good afternoon Moi,

Now you know I didn't see the show. But I have to comment on this picture. If this is what entertainers are starting to look like, well I'll live in the past. Give me a Myrna Loy or Jane Russell any day.

Kymical Reactions said...

re: the boys. I was mistaken when I said it was Jevony I didn't like. It's Clint. I can't stand that guy.

Pam said...

Soooo agree with you about the girls. We didn't like the last girl at all and barely recognized it as a Pretenders song. Only the semi-country girl is a stand-out to me. And she's my top 3 contender. Troll and Smoothy Boy my other two.

Anonymous said...

I had it on as backround noise and misssed most of it. And missed all of Thursday's show.

Did Casey make it through?

moi said...

Karl: She's actually one of the girls I like. Very young and colorful.

Kym: He's gone, baby, gone.

Pam: Semi-country girl is the one who reminds me of Kelly Clarkson, who remains my favorite Idol.

Troll: Yes. The Top 13 were determined and there were no surprises: Casey Abrams, Naima Adedapo, Lauren Alaina, James Durbin, Ashthon Jones, Stefano Langone, Jacob Lusk, Scotty McCreery, Paul McDonald, Thia Megia, Haley Reinhart, Karen Rodriguez and Pia Toscano.

K9's Geddy Lee did not make it through.

chickory said...

not to worry! dye hair black, straighten it, and start a RUSH tribute band. good luck finding a neil pert -

*remember moi, Neil is in MY fantasy band starring me on bass, neil on drums, ted nugent on lead and DLR as front. grrrrrhahahahaha

why was Troll worried? looks like 'merica is ready for a Troll idol.

moi said...

Chickory: I remember your fantasy band. I think you were trying to decide between DLR and Chris Cornell on lead?

When I was in high school, our cliques were defined not only by their style but also by their musical preference. We had the cowboys (we called them "stomps"), the nerds, the athletes/cheerleaders (I forget our nickname for them, but they were into disco), the stoners (who were into Van Halen and Rush) and the punk/new wavers, who were virulently anti-disco and anti any song that didn't feature three chords and three minutes, although we begrudgingly allowed Talking Heads and B52s and Blondie was given a pass for Heart of Glass and Call Me. (It was all very complicated.)

Still, I had a secret love for VH and Rush, both of whom I snuck off to see in concert. I love them still, although not and never the VH helmed by Sammy Hagar, who I consider a wuss.

Jenny said...

I fell asleep and didn't see the ones who potentially would make the final two, but as you said, no surprises. I'm just glad they chopped everyone so fast and we can now can down to seeing what they really are like.... and I might actually start remembering their names. I do like Thia, but think she's too young and Casey Abrams is just too good to be on this show, but I'm glad he's getting the chance to make a career out of it.

moi said...

Boxer: I only flipped over to the very end, after Hennifer's silly new video. I think Casey stands out heads and above the rest and I'm not worried about him, regardless. In fact, it might not be the best thing for him to win Idol.

Buzz Kill said...

I'm with Karl - I thought that was a picture of a transvestite.