Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Throwing Your Two Bit Cares Down the Drain

Despite the fact that my poleetical leanings tilt decidedly towards the libertarian end of the spectrum with some slight slouching towards anarcho-capitalism (only wearing a really good outfit and heels), it is indeed a fact, Jack, that most of the people in my life are Demochromatics. And I love them anyway. Because, like Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction, I'm trying real hard to be the shepherd.

But my friends also know that I can't pass up a good opportunity to point out the essential idiocy of ANY politician and that the Demochromatics are, well, up next.

I mean, check out this bit of nonsense.

First of all, of course the shindig is being held in Denver. So apropos. Once a bastion of laissez faire Old West spirit, Denver in the past 50 years has devolved into what I can only describe as one of our country's most starched-stiff fascist city states and that's with whipped cream, nuts, and a cherry on top. It may slum like it's all ultra 21st century P.C. cool, but behind the scenes, it will slap you silly for one misstep outside the status quo.

Irony much?

Gah, how I would LOVE to be there to witness all those buttoned up Chamber of Commerce wags get jiggy with their hippified teen spirits. Ah, I love the smell of warmed over patchouli in a crowd. NOT.

But you know what really horrifies Moi? The SWAG. Organic cotton fanny packs? Are you kidding me? Really? That's, like, so 1995. Besides, not everyone there is going to be outfitted like they just got out of yoga class. Arianna Huffington, bless her liberal ass heart, at least knows how to dress. I simply can't imagine The Fraulein deigning to wear one of those things.

Psst . . . Arianna, dahlink . . . come on over to Moi's side. I'll give you candy. Gift certificates to Sephora. Andrew Sullivan, Camile Paglia, and P.J. O'Rourke at your table. Duck confit, shot that morning by Troll's cousin Boo and prepared by I Am Not. Lots and lots of champagne and tequila. Cakes by EmmaK. Moi's Weapons of Mass Distraction flitting about in flirty skirts and high heels making all the big boys blush. Live performances by Bjork and Beck, Primus and White Stripes. And Justin Timberlake. Dancing on tables. Coat room antics. General all around, good natured, no-worries-about-our-carbon-foot-prints-and-whether-
the-noise-will-impact-the-mating-habits-of-the-spotted-owl debauched fun.


Aunty Belle said...

I hate patchouli.

P.J. O'Rourke MUST be seated on Mah Right. I'll chip in some fried Gator tail. Oh, an' I'll bring along Taki --he'll plunge Ariana right into the deep. Moi, ya could sell tickets to this and buy all the carbon offsets a committed Anarcho will evah need.

czar said...

Moi, I can't see where you and Camille Paglia agree on much politically, but she would be a welcome addition to any table where intelligent discourse is desired. And what are "coat room antics"? What, among many other things, have I missed?

moi said...

Aunty: You and P.J., certainly. You'll both be soooooo nattily dressed.

Czar: Au contraire: "Beauty is our weapon against nature; by it we make objects, giving them limit, symmetry, proportion. Beauty halts and freezes the melting flux of nature."

"If civilization had been left in female hands we would still be living in grass huts."

"It is capitalist America that produced the modern independent woman. Never in history have women had more freedom of choice in regard to dress, behavior, career, and sexual orientation."

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."

Only, geez, I wish she'd learn to dress better :o).

czar said...

Sorry. I thought you were talking politics.

Jenny said...

I would like to work the coat room.

I believe all of the best action happens in and around there. Plus, I like to rifle pockets.

Do you think I could get a Vegetarian plate?

Okay, never mind that.

sparringK9 said...

right on moi!!

how long has arianna lived here? she sounds like she just stepped off das boot.

to czar: camille paglia is a pragmatist! therefore tends to side with reason (mostly)

speaking of feminists: why dont they GIVE A SHIT about all the islamic *honor killings* murders of their daughters sisters and wives? poseurs! not a peep about it....yet our country is still so *sniff* mysoginistic. (or however thats spelled)

oh its so terrible in the usa!!

actually if fanny packs are worn ever -of any fabric - western civ is OVER.

i say we road trip to denver, sneak in eat steaks and burn oil in big cans while sacrificing polar bears and snail darters. grrrerhahaha

moi said...

Czar: See SHE below. Besides, the personal is the political.

AB: Yes, you may have a veggie plate. I have many vegetamarian friends and that's okey dokey with me. We'll have everyone bring something from their gardens :o)

She: Hey! Road trip to Denver sounds awesome! You can bring Trout to bark, bark, bark! I cannot, however, bring my pittie posse because Denver murderizes pits. Reason Numero Uno why Denver sucks ass.

moi said...

P.S. Re: Arianna's accent. My mother, born and raised in Germany, came to this country when she was 18 years old. After 43 years here, a spoon could stand upright in her accent, it was still that thick.

h said...

Grrherhahahahahahhahahaha! What they've ACTUALLY DONE really sounds like something Tammy Bruce might write as parody.

Come to think of it, seat Tammy and her pal Snubby with that Huffington whore out on a balcony somewhere.

Bretthead said...

HEY. As a Denverite, well umm, I can't really argue with anything you said. Good thing I'm really a Chicagoan now living in Denver. If you and She roadtrip, I'll buy you a beer. And you can bring your pit bulls if you stay in Aurora, the suburban armpit of Denver.

moi said...

Troll: Wouldn't you like to see Tammy Bruce and Andrew Sullivan cross their respective fence lines and make babies together? Both so pretty.

Wow: Thank you for not taking my Denver bashing personally. The fact that you are originally from Chicago will bode well for you in life. If SHE, AB, and I decide to storm Denver, we'll let you know.

Doris Rose said...

ahh, the Brilliant and Daunting rapier wit--unsheathed.Well done, my Libertarian fiend. You sure can plan a Hoe-down.

Aunty Belle said...


Wha'?? Denver murderizes pitties? Youse jokin', ain't ya'? I never knowed that. WHa' elses? Dobermen? Rotties?

Gnomeself Be True said...

Re-create, 68!

moi said...

Doris: And for that compliment, my friend, I will sit you next to Arianna und you vill be fuhabulous togezher.

Aunty: Yes. Google the long, complicated, sad sad sad affair. And, despite a federal judge's overturning the law on constitutional grounds, Denver fought THAT and won. IG-NOR-ANT.

Iamnot: Nope. Pitties outlawed in Dade County, too.