Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I Am . . . Not Doll Parts

(pssst: not a real baby!)

You know, I should have based this week's Mute Monday on the ultimate F-Word: Fake. A condition so prevalent in our society it's become the New Real. Fake boobs. Fake nails. Fake fat. Fake flowers. Fake feelings pasted on politicians hoping to make us think they care. And, of course, one great big gloriously fake economy.

So it was no surprise to me when I turned on the Today Show this morning (I know, I know, but it's like a train wreck. Can't help but look.) and saw this:

Women who luv up fake babies : http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26970782


They’re called “reborns”: incredibly lifelike baby dolls that sell for up to $4,000 to adult women who collect them, change their clothes, and in some ways treat them like real babies.

“It fills a spot in your heart,” Lynn Katsaris told TODAY’s Matt Lauer Wednesday in New York as she cuddled “Benjamin” and “Michael” in her arms. A realtor from suburban Phoenix, Katsaris is also an artist who has created 1,052 reborn dolls and sold them to women around the world. She was one of three grown women visiting the show with five of the the bogus — but eerily realistic — babies cradled tenderly in their arms.

Now, is that creepy or what?

Watching these deluded women, I was reminded of my own brief experience caring for a fake baby. Junior high, 1978, third period Home Economics. I thought we were there to learn how to make pancakes and design a smashing pair of velvet bell bottoms. But, no. Our teacher had another idea in mind. She presented each of us with an egg onto which she'd carefully drawn a cutsie baby face and glued a lacy baby bonnet. We were then given very stern instructions to keep this egg with us at all times and treat it with the utmost care to make sure it didn't crack. For the entire ding dang semester.

I guess the point of this exercise – other than making us all bat shit crazed with worry about what would happen to our grades if we happened to, oh, let's say inadvertently leave our egg on the crosstown bus while on the way to the mall to buy a pair of Candies – was to teach us the seriousness of parenting. Which is kind of ironic if you think about it, because when it comes to a bunch of hormonally-infused 13 year olds, isn't that kind of putting the cart before the horse?

I'll let you work that one out.

Anyhoo.

This particular story also got me to thinking that if I ever found myself faced with having to fill some holes in my heart? Well, it's not going to be with a facsimile of the real thing, you can bet on that.

18 comments:

K9 said...

dear God.

Wendy said...

Ohmydeargoodnessme. I'm trying to understand the urge FOR AN ADULT to cart around a fake baby as if it were real, but I can't. I am, however, having all sorts of evil thoughts about dangling one over a balcony or throwing it into a tree or driving around with it suctioned to my back window. Baby on Board. Heheheheheheh.

EmmaK said...

it is creepy, but at least it keeps them off the streets and kidnapping babies from playgrounds

moi said...

K9: Yup.

Wendy: I am, however, having all sorts of evil thoughts about dangling one over a balcony or throwing it into a tree or driving around with it suctioned to my back window. Baby on Board.

Whew. Glad to know I'm not alone.

Emmak: Huh. My first instinct was "deluded." Your instinct – CRAZY – may be more spot on.

The Troll said...

Tick...Tick...Tick...

iamnot said...

What, couldn't get their zoloft prescriptions refilled?

I'm sorry, but them's some sick old chicks there.

My mother volunteers at a hospital. She holds babies. Imagine that, loving something real.

Big Shamu said...

We used fake babies when I used to work in the prop business. However tenderly is not a word I would use to describe how we handled them. No sirree bob.

Anonymous Boxer said...

I saw that segment this morning - and then I spent a few minutes trying to find my jaw.. it dropped so hard I lost it.

NUTTY. They really should have just bought a new expensive purse.

I won't say they should get a dog, because I care too much about animals.

moi said...

Iamnot: Hear ya. I'd suggest that if they need something to nurture, they give a real, live child in foster care a home. But to paraphrase AB, I care too much about real, live children.

Troll: Not Moi's clock.

Shamu: Thanks. I just popped a fresh Fresca and now I have grapefruit brain freeze from laughing.

AB: Hah! Can you imagine, a Chihuahua sucking on a pacifier?

K9 said...

i just heard senator Jim Dement say on the radio that the saudis were putting a ton of pressure on the administration because we owe them so much money and they are holding a lot of the bad paper. he said that we were in so much debt we are going further into debt to pay our creditors and therefore we are socializing our financial markets. he said that all the giveways in the bill are how they are getting votes. he is going to vote no. theres a few holdouts on both sides

they are actually doing this. i mean, its happening. it gives the treasury sweeping powers and then obama will have them. it allows for bailing out any foreign bank.

im serious i would rather suffer a depression than to choose socialism - socialism never goes away. but a depression will recover.

devastating.

moi said...

K9: And let's just go over, shall we, the "giveaways" currently attached to this bill (to the tune of an extra extra $150 billion!).

If the bill passes, there's boocoo bucks for the following (among about a dozen other lil porkers):

Film and television production
Motor sports race tracks
Something called The Wool Trust Fund
Makers of toy wooden arrows for children

Louise Schiavone, speaking on CNN just a few hours ago, asked point blank:

"In a time of fiscal crisis when money is scarce, how did Congress come up with the idea that the solution is to spend more money?"

How, indeed.

This is CRIMINAL, Party People.

Call, write, fax, hell blow smoke signals if that's all you can do, and send your representatives the following message: We the people vote have lost all confidence in our government. Next.

K9 said...

i made everyone in the big dogs shop sign a fax to saxby chambliss if he votes yes hes not getting our vote. but hes going to do it according to the minion i talked to this morning.

this is it moi. the day our country fundementally changes.

and i think the bill allows the fed to decide which mortgage debts will and will not be forgiven.

im heartsick. just devastated

/tail DOW

moi said...

Ears back. Hackles up.

Enemy of the Republic said...

I've heard about these crackpots. But they may be better off than those of us with the real thing. Dolls will not have their future ruined by Congress.


Thanks for coming by my blog. I am on a roll! I just cannot believe the nakedness of this bailout.

Mandy said...

Cree-pee.

Wicked Thistle said...

I am so very, very creeped out that I think I have to go barf a little. If these women really need them some babies, I'd be glad to bring some home from work and send 'em off their ways. Sure, they're not *infants,* but what's cuter than a hormonally violent 12-year-old? They need love, too!

This is all deeply troubling.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Have these women never heard of voluntary work to fill these 'holes' in their hearts?

Even working with deprived children (if they pass security checks)?

How fufilling, rewarding or completing can a lump of plastic be, however realistic?

moi said...

Enemy: Naked and yet cloaked at the same time. Niiiiiice. Now, I've never much trusted politicians about as far as I could throw a Manolo at 'em, but this is just off the chain.

Mandy U. Bet.

Wicked: Babies are for amateurs. Pre-teen, now there's a life challenge to sink one's teeth into.

Poet: Exactly. One neurotic-ass society, on the brink, coming up!