Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Like a Bicycle Needs a Fish

Guy Ritchie's Devil on the Right Shoulder: "Dude, you SO scored!
It's MADONNA, man!"

Guy Ritchie's Angel on the Left Shoulder: "
Run, Guy, run. NOW."

Two things I love about S.B. One, he usually only talks when he has something to say, and Two, when he has something to say, he's a crackerjack at distilling an issue down to its essentials.

Especially when it comes to my obsession with celebretards, which has caused the kind of long-suffering eye-rolling in the man that even my shoe fetish can't touch.

For instance, on Brad Pitt's leaving Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie: "Duh. Angelina's waaaaay hotter."

Now, on the Madonna/Guy Ritchie bust up: "Duh. That woman is more trouble than she's worth."

So, Party People, what's your best, one-sentence piece of self-evident relationship advice that most of us tend to ignore?

30 comments:

Wendy said...

Never try to turn your husband into your girlfriend.

Mary said...

Hope for the best and plan for the worst!

A.B. said...

"run Forest, run".

Sorry, I'm going to back with more. I like this.

EmmaK said...

If he/she makes you unhappy more than thirty per cent of the time just call it a day - I don't care how smokin hot the sex is

moi said...

Wendy: Ah, yup. That's what gay men are for.

Mary: Hey, welcome to Moi's Blob! I like that. Wonder if we could petition it to substitute for: "Until Death Do Us Part"?

A.B.: Heh. We wimmin are NEVER told the truth, are we?

Emmak: ROTFL. I can picture it now: you, inventing a Marital Misery Percentage Meter and selling it on your blog.

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

I dunno, I kinda like madge. I can't claim to have read much about their union, but I do remember an interview with her in which she was asked what the family motto was (she was talking about how normal her house was, what with two kids and spouse and stuff everywhere) and she said:

"pick up your shit"

...which I thought was an extremely real thing to say, for a megastar like her.

czar said...

Because money so often is at the root of relationship problems:

When your credit score and your cholesterol begin resembling each other, it's time to plan your funeral music.

On the "like a bicycle needs a fish" theme, I am reminded of one of my favorite bumper stickers, for Agnes Scott College in Decatur, GA: "Not a girls' school without men, but a women's college without boys."

iamnot said...

"Remember, no matter how hot she is, right now some other guy is tired of her shit."

czar said...

epigraph from a book:

"When your heart is sick, your liver is just around the corner."

TROLL said...

GALS: CHECK YOUR BAGGAGE AT THE DOOR!

GUYS: IF YOU'RE WAITING FOR A WOMAN CAPABLE OF CHECKING HER BAGGAGE AT THE DOOR, YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO GET LAID.

moi said...

Pirate: Hey, you! I like her, too. Then again, I'm not married to her :o)

Czar: I am also reminded of the new trends towards same sex classrooms in co-ed learning institutions.

Iamnot: Unless she keeps morphing into someone else. But then yer stuck with Bat Shit Crazy.

Troll: We all have our baggage. The trick is learning to stow it well.

K9 said...

hot lust burns off and clouds vision. enjoy it. then, marry a good friend who has your back.

SB is a dream! i love this:

"One, he usually only talks when he has something to say, and Two, when he has something to say, he's a crackerjack at distilling an issue down to its essentials."


perfection!


i never understood those women who bitch about the guys who dont talk enough. honey! count your blessings.


at my house its guitars 24/7. they get the couches and i sit on the floor or in a dog bed. grrrerhhaha


btw moi i posted "high plains drifter" for you ;-)

K9 said...

oh forgot. i like guy ritchie waaaaaaaaaaay better than madonna. she should retire. seriously.

K9 said...

grrrrrrherhahahaha! a.b.!

K9 said...

czar: do you live in the socialist republic of decatur?

moi said...

K9: Well, S.B. is mostly quiet because: A. He, too, is playing his guitar. (I actually BOUGHT it for him. I was considering a drum set. Moi's brain on sex. Gets a little. Dingy.)

and because:

B. He's watching college football.
C. He's eating.

Shuffling off to High Plains . . .

Wow, that was awkward said...

Don't bend over on Polk Street.

moi said...

WTWA: Good to see all that puke hasn't hurt your wit one bit.

czar said...

K9:

no, but i lived about 20 years in Atlanta (1977-97) -- Emory, Morningside (sort of), Peachtree Hills, Lake Claire, Avondale Estates -- never, never, never outside the perimeter. DeKalb Farmers Market ranks among my favorite places in the world.

Glad to hear Decatur's on the cutting edge, though. Maybe the rest of Georgia can catch up. Doesn't sound like Perdue and his minions are doing the rest of the state a damn bit of good at all.

Aunty Belle said...

Uncle say, "Ain't no feminists on a sinking ship."

Aunty Belle said...

Iffin' ya want a tabby cat, doan try to domesticate a tiger.

Aunty Belle said...

Wimmen's has the last word.
Whatever he say after that jes' starts a new argument.

moi said...

Aunty: Wise words, indeed. Especially about the last word. Sometimes we should learn when to zip it, quit while we're ahead.

czar said...

forgot about this song lyric, which a friend of mine heard a few months back:

"If I'd have shot you when I met you, I'd be out of jail by now."

moi said...

Heh.

Well, if we're moving on to song lyrics, here's my fave: "You're perfect, yes it's true; but without me, you're only you."

pamokc said...

Marry someone who makes you laugh. That's my advice. And somehow I don't see Madonna as being very amusing. But "Lock, STock and Two Smoking Barrels" is a scream. Although ... she was on my husband's "list of five" sometime ago ... better find out if she still is ;) (friends reference)

moi said...

Pamokc: Ah, yes, the List of Five. In my case, I think it's up to five bazillion :o)

Wicked Thistle said...

The pretty ones have never learned how to work at a relationship.

They've never had to.

Wicked Thistle said...

p.s. to aunty belle: I am going to cross-stitch your advice on a pillow. It is *that* good.

moi said...

Wicked: Nope. And there we are, drooling like idiots, putting up with remote control schnenanigans. Or however you spell it.