Friday, September 26, 2008

Never Mind the Goon Squads for Uno Momento

We interrupt our regularly scheduled rants against the gooberment for a moment to contemplate something nearly equally important. I was too hopping mad to watch the Emmy's last Sunday and therefore was unable to comment properly on the fashion. Or lack thereof.

But I can back track (thanks to New York magazine on-line) and make just a few comments.

The Bad News:
Seems that all my least favorite fashion trends listened not one bit to Moi and instead merrily bounced themselves down the red carpet like a bunch of recalcitrant five-year-olds at the candy aisle at Wal-Mart.

One, the jumpsuit has invaded formal evening wear. Gag. Hack. Cough.

Worse yet, the poor woman looks like she's wearing one of those partition ropes you see at movie theaters and airports across her chest. What kind of statement is that supposed to make? Keep off? Move along? Get in line?

Then there's the plaid. For day, it's a big ol' lumber jack-assed mess (unless, like Doris Rose and Wicked, you happen to actually BE Scottish). But for evening? It enters a whole other universe of Gad Moi with a Manolo.

I imagine that when Henry Paulson hires himself some tacky ass 'ho's, 'cause no rational woman on the face of the earth would have sex with the man? They look like this.

Lord, I could just go on and on. Like, why did Marcia Cross, a woman whose bad ass hair color and peaches and cream skin have earned her a lifetime pass to looking fabulous all the time (except in plaid), decide to mess with her record for elegant restraint and outfit herself like a wayward Cinderella coming down off an acid trip just puked fairy dust all over an acre's worth of tulle?

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia: 46 is nothing to worry about, dahlink. It is, in fact, the new 36. And five years from now, when even greater leaps and bounds in anti-aging procedures arrive at a doctor's office near you? It will be the new 26. Or is that 31? Never mind – just don't start freaking out on me, okay?

The Good News:
So who did look great? Well, near as I can tell, only one person: My hero, Brooke Shields. Yes, this is one big ol' curtain o' pink and under normal circumstances, would send me running for the nearest brown paper bag. But sweet Christian Louboutin on a cracker, the girl pulls it off.

And for comparison: the gal from House who bought her dress from the bathroom curtain section of Bed, Bath & Beyond and another from Mad Men who, just, well. I'm always a little worried when ta-tas this large are given this much leeway. Although, I'm kinda groovin' on the green. You?


Wendy said...

Oooh, yay, fashion! I admit I love tulle, but, being of Marcia's approximate dotage, I realize it should be used sparingly. About five years ago--before I crossed the decorum barrier--I was sitting in the orthodontist's office with my then-12-year-old, when she suddenly looked at me and said, horrified, "IS THAT A SLIP?" I was wearing a (not that floofy) '50s petticoat, with my favorite black Docs and I-can't-remember-what on top (probably a beat-up denim jacket). I still love that look, but I don't want people staring at me, thinking the old broad's trying too hard.

K9 said...

thanks for the much needed laugh moi. i love that bit - the one the "get in line rope" grrrrherhahahaha

i wore last night my new goodwill find a little dark blue jacket with black trim....over my "atticus finch is my co-pilot" t shirt with my also found at goodwill - steel yourself - jill stuart jeans. i paid 4.60 for them and they fit so so nicely! yay!platform brown suede boots. i felt good to go out last night. no, amazingly i did not see the debates.

cant/ take/ anymore

Aunty Belle said...

Brooke's colorin' makes it possible fer her to be in that neon color and carry it off so fab!

Uh, what were tem shoes under that green--luv the green, the googles in em is too much.

I seen a snippet of The Thomas Crown Affair wif' Renee RUsso--she steps outa a limo in them high laced brown boots wif a low stacked heel--heh...

I like that version, but I'se old enough to have slipped a peak at the Steve McQueen Faye DunaWay version of the movie--both have great fashion.

But fer old time movies wif' really blown out fashion, find an old Dean Martin spy-spoof whar' he plays a drunken 007 type--all the bad girls dress up real fine.

Anonymous Boxer said...

woo-hoo, a Moi Fashion Post!

That is NOT a pant suit, it's a costume from Battlestar Galatica! Uff da, the young sure don't know how to dress. But then, I guess I shouldn't say only the young can't dress because I sooo agree about Marcia Cross. Actually, this year I didn't see much that I liked. With all of the time and money these women have, this is what they show up in?

I'm struggling right now to find the right way to dress at my age and think I'm going to adopt the Angelina Jolie "black on black on black" attitude until I get it figured out.

I didn't watch the Debates either and I'm super glad K9 went out and herself a good time last night. I walked home from the ferry and came home made myself a stiff 'tini and toasted what what was left of my IRA.

ThursdayNext said...

I hate to sound bitchy, but Marcia is just a little too old for all that tulle. As for pantssuits...those scare me. Did you see what Sasha Baron Cohen did in Milan while filming Bruno? The outfit is hysterical!

moi said...

Wendy: Hear ya. I used to have a Mohawk. Which looked GREAT at 20! Not so much at 40-uh-oh. There are looks I miss and will only probably ever get to wear again once I've died and gone to heaven.

K9: Sounds like an über cool outfit! And I hope it was a fun night. We watched about 2.45 seconds of the debate, looked at each other and said, "Fork this." and watched American Gangster. During which I once again found myself marveling at Denzel Washington's apparent inability to age and Russell Crowe's weirdly pudgy sex appeal. He's my next Daniel Craig: Hawt. Or not?

Aunty: The Thomas Crowne Affair with P.B. and Renee Russo was one of the sexiest movies ever made. But the original with Steve McQueen and Faye Dunaway? One of the most fab.

AB: I know. The forties are weird for fashion. I don't do black unless it's a LBD; but the amount of grey in my closet would most likely earn me a good slap with a flip flop from K9!

Thursday: You're not bitchy; you're honest :o). The Sasha stunt is magnificent! So is he. I want him for my sixth husband. Would be niiiiice!

K9 said...

no. i love grey just not so much with purple. the thing with marcia cross - i agree with thursday its like a dress up tutu from toys r us but with out the sophisticated color *cough*

who looks good in a flesh colored garment?

nothing makes me feel more like tackling the financial holocaust like platform boots. try it!

Aunty Belle said...

Horrifying truth on FRONT Porch--GAG WARNING. Catch the liars and cheats in their own words! Gimme a bazooka!

moi said...

K9: I have two pair – one suede from the 70s. They marvelous to wear, but I'm waiting for full-on fall weather to FINALLY get the boots out. It's like July around here.

Aunty: Uh-oh.

czar said...

i've rarely if ever seen any of this alleged fashion that makes any already-attractive woman look better than she would in a pair of jeans. i just don't get it. is this all women dressing for other women or for designers? my head turns a lot more in the corridors of a mall than at live mannequins.

i recently found out that my 19-year-old son aspires to some type of look, but the only thing I ever seem him wearing is t-shirts and flannel shirts of mine from 30 years ago.

for what it's worth, i dressed like kurt cobain in 1977, and i owned the layered look long before diane keaton ever did it in annie hall -- in about 1973. i get comments to this day about what the hell am i doing wearing shorts over sweatpants and t-shirts over long-sleeved shirts, but that's just me.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Quite right Moi, Brooke Shields' dogs' dinner was the least ghastly.

The others I wouldn't even countenance for floor cloths!

All that money and no taste - let me at 'em!