Thursday, December 20, 2007

A Rose By Any Other Name

If I'mbuh soundinguh widdle fuddy, dat's becauf I'm writing dis post wid a cloze pid on Moi's nodz.

Becauf at exactly 6:47 dis morning, while od our walk wid Ibin, duh widdle fudcker decided to tangle wid dis cweature:

Dat would be Mephitis mephitis (get it?), or duh common striped skunk. Who wud ambwin down duh paf sniffing duh trail of a nest of wobin's eggs dat had bwown from a twee. Sure nuf, whed Ibin spotted it he wed bwalistic and chawged. And got spwayed bout ted bazillion times.

Hab you all eber sbelled skunk? Id mudst be duh worst sbell knowd to Gawd ad man in duh ubiverse. An' you eber try to get it oud a dawg fur? Da forbula: 1 quart hydrogen peroxide, 1/4 cup baking soda, 1 Tablespoon dish washing liquid. Mix up. Chase dawg dowd. Catch dawg. Howd dawg. Rub in fur. Rinse ab repeat. Sdiff dawg to see if sbell gone. Throw up cause id not. Repeat.

Gib up.

Fidally let dawg id house. Boil ciddamon in water and burd ebry caddle in da house. Throw up again.

Seribously consider puddin a bading suit and some flid flops in ad obernight bag and takin duh first flight oud of here to St. Bart's. Decide against it becauf dat wud leab S.B. all alodne with Ibin and hid funk. Bud S.B. says he can't smbell it at all. Moi, I neber not sbell it. I sbell it all day. Id sbell it all night. I sbell it until duh day I die.

Fudkin' hell. Dat's what I get for puddin a bow od duh dawg's hed.


sparringK9 said...

GRRHERHAHAHAHAHA *roars in laughter*

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

oh man. that must really suck. ewww!

Karen said...

I've never smelled a skunk but I'll take your word for it that its pretty bad. Hope you get rid of the stink before Christmas :(

moi said...

Thanks, guys, thanks. I'll be here all week. Suck doesn't begin to describe it. At least the bedroom is a funk free zone. Thankfully, we're going to Looziana Monday for Christmas. Ivan's going to the kennel for five days. All I can say is there'd better be a Christmas Miracle when we get back!

sparringK9 said...

grrerhahaha moi. trout likes to roll in bear shyt which isnt as bad, but is bad enough. louisianna? neat..a cajun christmas. alligator tails in your stocking!

er, your CD's up...but the other present is the song i put on...i chose it for you ...hope you like it!!! have as suck free day as possible. grrerhaha

im still howling at your write plugged nose better than bill waterson (of calvin and hobbes fame)

moi said...

Okay, that's verklempt-inducing right there. I'm so honored. It's boooootiful, She! And I simply must figure out how to get Etta to play on da blob!

Jenny said...

OHHHHHHHHHHH - I was laughing and crying for you Moi.

"Gib up" Bwahahahaaha.

Really, really sorry.

On the bright side, I just saw your rocking CD over at "She's" and I just wanted to say "aren't we lucky???"

Merry Christmas Stinky.


sparringK9 said...

it's "kay starr" singing. anony taught me how to do it!
glad you like it...but my arms startin to rag out im worried the works gonna suffer........but i will finish them all before christmas.....i still have a real life painting to complete...grrrrrrrrr!

but happy weekend, solstice and merry merry merry!!!

h said...

A kennel? No dog sitters in Moi's neck-of-the-skunk-infested woods?

I suspect and hope that the stench will be gone by the time you get back. Unless you have carpets, bed linens, draperies, and girly stuff like that.

moi said...

AB: Yes, so, so lucky! I'm loving mine. Now I just have to figure out how to put it on the blob full size.

She: Kay Starr? Now that's a name I haven't heard in a while. I coulda swore that's the Etta James version. I got some iPoding to do.

Artful: Yes, hard to believe, but there are no sitters out here willing to stay overnight. And a bored Ivan is a creative Ivan . . . Besides the kennel people wub Ivan. And maybe they'll take pity on his funk and bathe him. And maybe he'll let THEM.

Wicked Thistle said...

I know there are so many aspects of this blog I should be commenting on, but I am stuck on the fact that there were robin's eggs in a nest in *December.* There is just sooo much I don't know about nature.

Good luck with the destinkification. I could send you something nice from Fifi's litter box that would make Skunkers smell like roses if you like. She made it just for you.

You are one very, very funny girl, girl!

Meghan said...

I almost didn't make it through this post I was laughing so hard.

Seriously, though... I know that smell. And, yes, it is possibly the worst smell in the universe. It lays eggs in your nose that seem to hatch over and over, even when the stink is actually gone.

My sincerest condolences on the stink. May it have completely dissipated when you come back from your trip.

moi said...

Wicked: Hey, you're right! I don't think Robins are birthin' no babies in December. Huh. Let's hope they were just, uh, leftovers, and not some bizarre mutant bird.

Meghan: I think in their quest for weapons of mass distraction our gub'ment should look to the skunk.