Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Why Can't We Be Friends?


In the six years or so I've been doing volunteer animal advocacy work, I've met all kinds of interesting people. The vast majority are dedicated, focused, and rational, working tirelessly to ensure the welfare of thousands of companion animals. I have also seen many well-meaning people with the best of intentions burn out quickly from the strain, and, really, who can blame them? The work is mentally, physically, and spiritually exhausting.

And then there are the true blue nut jobs. The man who believes all animals living in the U.S. should have the same rights as people under the Constitution. The woman who pays a small fortune to animal control for allowing her four house cats to merrily roam the neighborhood, doing their small part to decimate an already shaky songbird population. Another who dresses her pug up in costume, a different outfit for every day of the week.

But nothing I've seen or experienced can top the German woman who this past Friday took a dive into the pond fronting the polar bear exhibit at the Berlin Zoo. Naturally, someone videotaped the entire thing, and what's most interesting to me is, the expression of happy idiocy on the woman's face right after she lands in the water. Obviously, she "wuvs" animals and just wants to let them know she is their fwend. Either that, or she had access to some really, really good drugs. Then one of the critters and his buddy decide to do what polar bears do best: attack and eat yummy flesh! Mmmmmm . . . tastes like chicken. Ooops, sorry. Make that PORK.

If it weren't for the fact that the bears themselves would have been killed had they been allowed to finish their meal, I would have said, "Meh, have at her." That is, after all, what top-of-the-food-chain mammals do best: Thin. The. Herd.

17 comments:

Heather Cherry said...

Yeah, this lady's right up there with the crazy chimp woman. I know a few loonies in the rescue circles around here, too. Bless their hearts. [You know if you end any comment with "bless their heart" it makes it okay.]

EmmaK said...

Oh dear oh dear what a fruitcake. She so deserved to die.

moi said...

HeatherCherry: It's the polite way to say: "You be bat shit crazy." and not come across as judgmental.

Emma: Alas, she was saved. Which may be an even worse fate, given the heaps of derision headed her way.

kmwthay said...

On a much smaller level, this sort of reminds me of that crazy guy who went to live with the wild Grizzly Bears in Alaska. He lasted several years before one of them decided he looked mighty tasty and ate him and his female companion right up. I think it was called Grizzly Man or something similar.

I watched that documentary not knowing what to expect. My thoughts were that the guy had some serious mental issues and had a death wish.

K9 said...

i think the policy should be let animals go ahead and finish the meal. that might cut down on moronic convergences. and prevent this leek from reproducing. thats why i like domestic animals. wild animals are for admiring from afar or looking at in nat'l geo. if you wanna kissy fur get a dog!
death to all polar bear pond jumpers!

Heather Cherry said...

True that, homie.

And to Kym: I've seen a couple of the Grizzy Man Diaries eps. That guy is definitely... um... interesting. Was interesting. Bless his heart.

Boxer said...

Darn, and I was hoping she'd be the next winner of the "Darwin Awards".

moi said...

kmwthay: The documentary directed by Werner Herzog, right? I haven't seen it yet but it's on my list.

K9: wild animals are for admiring from afar or looking at in nat'l geo. Or for eating and/or turning into a fun handbag :o).

HeatherCherry: Bwahahahahahaha! Even the American Indians were/are smart enough to leave da bear alone!

Boxer: I'm thinking mucho drugeros. Or some of that really strong German beer.

pamokc said...

She was probably thinking it was that adorable Knut the Polar Bear all growed up. Who among us (now admit it), didn't want to cuddle that little guy? However, this lady was totally nuts. Bless her heart. (Now I'm gonna be back on saying that phrase!)

CHEF TROLL said...

Hello Moi,

Your latest post is very interesting. This was on the new news station too. What an idiot she was. The monster bit her on the butt. Wonder if they typically start there?

Doris Rose said...

Truly BSC, I think perhaps she was NOT taking her drugs. Now they'll have to decontaminate the bear's pool.How annoying.

Aunty Belle said...

SHe must be kin to that chimp lovin' woman...gick!

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

turns out she was a depressed teacher - a common condition

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/germany/5148900/Teacher-who-survived-polar-bear-mauling-at-zoo-was-depressed-over-job.html

I gotta say, suicide by polar bear would be a pretty horrible way to go. Letting the bear finish her off would have set the zoo keepers at incredible risk, tempting though it may have been.

speaking of crazy animal lover people, I feel a post in me about dog lady. Don't let me forget.

moi said...

Pam: Between you and your daughter, I'm blessing everyone's heart these days!

Troll: Before I respond, is this the 2000 or the 2009 Troll Version I'm talking to? Gah, I'm so confuzzled . . .

Doris: "Decontaminate the bear's pool." Bwahahahahahaha! You get the Funny Comment of the Day Award!

Aunty: Those loon balloons do so run in packs, don't they.

Pirate: You know, if I were ever to do something so silly as to try and off myself?

1. Run up all credit cards at Bergdorf's.

2. Rush home with loot (about fifty pair of Louboutins and Oscar de la O dresses to match.)

3. Lock myself in room with loot.

4. Set CD player to Sinatra.

5. Pop open fifty bottles of Dom P.

6. Get sloppy drunk and try on all shoes and outfits, settling on the el perfecto combo.

7. Fall over onto an errant pair of Louboutins in just the right way so that the 4" stiletto pierces my cerebral cortex and I die instantly, albeit fabulously.

Heff said...

Thin the herd, indeed !

fishy said...

I found the video of the polar bear snack woman very disturbing. On some level I know some horrid person filmed this event with an eye toward profiting. Sick.

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

heh heh - that's a faaabulous way to go!