Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Savin' All My Food Stamps and Burnin' Down the Trailer Park

Dear Readers,

I have decided that, given these dire, greyed-out recessionary times, I am going to get serious. I'm going to stop looking at the world as an endless source for my amusement. Stop daydreaming about never ending baker's dozen assortments of doughnuts and the latest shoes for spring and how totally cool my life would be roaring around town in a 1970 Chevy El Camino SS 396. I'm going to stop worrying about what would happen if my grocery store ever quit carrying Fresca or whether I'm too old for mid thigh hemlines or if I should bump Daniel Craig up to the number five position on Moi's List of Pretend Husbands or leave him to languish where he most probably belongs: somewhere around number eight or nine.

Instead, by the end of the day? The all new, recycled, pared down, sensible-shoed, 40-watt bulbed, kind and caring "me" will have taken over this Blob.


In other words, my life from this point on will quit being All About Moi.

Sigh. I feel liberated already.

23 comments:

Big Shamu said...

Why those are quite lovely and sensible.
(snicker)

Boxer said...

April Fools RIGHT?

RIGHT?

MOI!!!!!!

Tell me it ain't so. 'Cuz if you start wearing crocs, I swear I'm getting on a plane, drag you to Sephora, then out for a wine-induced lunch and then home to buy silly, pretty shoes on Zappos.

Doris Rose said...

Intrigueing, but I smell a rat.

moi said...

Shamu: The socks make it, though. Right?

Boxer: Bwahahahahaha! My evil plan is working already . . .

DorisRose: More like a Croc.

Heather Cherry said...

Foolish. Foolish, I say.

Heff said...

Yes, I smell an April Fools joke !

Big Shamu said...

By the way, didn't Crocs recently declare bankruptcy?

Boxer said...

do we need a Blog Intervention?

Shamu? Get packed, we're going to New Mexico!! K9? Get outta the hole, we're needed.

P.S. Pack the knives. They'll be needed for cooking and Croc Killing!

EmmaK said...

This is crazy talk!
you can get designer clothes and shoes at thrift stores!
I don't want to hear any more talk about Mary Jane shoes. Before I know it you'll be telling me that instead of tampons you use a Moon Cup.

Actually now I come to think of it I've been april fooled haven't I?

Gnomeself Be True said...

Em...yea.
In my not inconsiderable experience, I've found that anyone who has always been about "Moi" generally stays all about "Moi."

Besides, "Moi" is entertaining and needed to lead the coup.

moi said...

HeatherCherry: As I have been known to be.

Heff: And I smell smoke?

Shamu: Really? That's awe – I mean, whaaaaaaaa! What a shame!

Boxer: Kilt croc? Ooooo . . . that usually means a way cool bag por Moi. I mean, dinner. I mean . . . What was the question?

Emma: Okay, I just had to look up moon cup. That's way too yucky even for New And Improved Naturelle Moi.

moi said...

Gnome: Which begs the question: can one lead a coup with love in their hearts for their fellow humans, even the ones who can't dress? Can one take over the universe with daisies instead of semi-automatics? Emo instead of metal? Bean sprouts and tofu instead of sushi and doughnuts?

Gnomeself Be True said...

Well, the hippies have taken over the government now. I guess another group of hippies could do the same.
Thing is, it takes decades and you'll have to have thousands of tenured professors doing your bidding first.

"Emo instead of metal." You just described liberalism at its core.

Boxer said...

Okay, now I know we have a problem....

"Bean sprouts and tofu instead of sushi and doughnuts"

Where is MOI????? Bring her back. This isn't right.

moi said...

Gnome: Crap. And I was counting on an army of 25-year-old surfer dudes to do my bidding.

Boxer: Will work. For shoes.

Big Shamu said...

Sweet, will this be on the show Intervention? Moi throwing shoes at the camera man, Boxer Twittering it as it happens, Shamu cooking gruel so that Moi knows the depths she will have to reach? K9, you may have to dance.
BLOG ACTION FORCE TEAM READY

kmwthay said...

Moi? Are you not feeling well? Do you have a fever? Did you eat some pistachios and peanut butter tainted with salmonella? We need to nurse you back to your sweet self! You are the queen fashionista, and we just can’t live without Moi we all know and love.

:(

Wendy said...

You totally lie. I can tell by the socks. And I notice you don't show the skirt, which I am sure is completely Moi.

K9 said...

rrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggght. yeah, you wear argyles and mary janes. and i drive a prius. grrrherhahahahaha

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

APRIL FOOOOLS!!! heh.

You know I own a pair of shoes not too dissimilar to those - they are from Pied a Terre, very european and very back in the day. Sadly I have not found an occasion to wear them for awhile. Could it be that they've gone out of style? Say it ain't so!!

CHEF TROLL said...

Now I know what Mary Janes are. I welcome the new Moi, congratulate you on your growth,and wish you Godspeed on your new path.

moi said...

Shamu: K9 is too sexy for an intervention most likely. But she may send Mean Dovey . . .

Boxer: We have her – broom-skirted and lank-haired – and we're not giving her back.

kmwthay: Mmmmm . . . pistachios. WITH peanut butter. Fork salmonella.

Wendy: It's a Laura Ashley, circa 1980, and it's hiked up. Bwahahahahahaha!

K9: Aren't you that pesky Libertemarian friend of Moi's? Off with your Dolce and Gabbana you Capitalist Piggie!

Pirate: Wear them on Monday with your Ted Baker skirt! Hee . . .

ChefTroll: Thanks! Wait. What?

fishy said...

Someone dial 911, is that MOI in flat shoes?