Thursday, July 3, 2008

Shoes For Thought



Some of you loved them. Some of you hated them. Most of you doubted I would ever wear them. Well, I'm happy to report that, in the sixty five thousand seconds since I first Dillard's carded and couponed their happy asses into my closet, I've worn them exactly SEVEN times. Yes, indeedy. That comes out to, let's see, uh, divide by seven, carry the five, and then, uh, $3.50 per wearing!

And I'm about to do it again. Because tomorrow is a holiday and we all know what holidays mean to me. Yes, yes, a sanctioned opportunity to stuff myself silly and not go for a run, but also: BLING. Holidays are when the shiny shit comes out of the closet, Party People. And what could be blingier than our Glorious Nation's Birthday?

Most importantly, however, another wearing means that my total price-to-wearings ratio is now at . . . uh . . . um. . . Never mind. I think one mathematical calculation is enough for one day. Let's just say, the more I wear these, the lower that ratio number will go until, ta da! Sometime next year I'll be wearing these babies for next to nothing.

So what will you be wearing to celebrate the Fourth?

And please, do not tell me one of these:

Party hearty. Party safe. But do NOT party fugly.

5 comments:

Anonymous Boxer said...

For the record, I never doubted that you would find multiple occasions to don these beauties, but I'm IMPRESSED with the lucky number seven.

I'll be out in the rain shooting off as many roman candles as I can... and I'll send one up in honor of my friend in the very DRY state of NM. Have a wonderful weekend!!

iamnot said...

I cleared out my flower shirts years ago. I do have a little number left over from the 70s...thank god I can't fit in it, 'cause I would wear it.
Enjoy your 4th madam President.
Next year, we take back the Republic!

moi said...

AB: Dang. Sniff. Thanks. All I got is sparklers. But, damn it, I got FIFTY BAZILLION sparklers. My guests will be extremely annoyed, I'm sure.

Iamnot: Yes! And we'll keep it! (The Republic. Not the shirt.)

And with that, I release my entire administration to go celebrate the birthday of this here most awesome country of ours. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Um. Never mind. Just show back up for work on Monday.

K9 said...

i'll wear my "peace through superior firepower" t shirt with an uncle sam hat and a bunch of red white and blue mardi gras style beads. that shirt inflames the hell out of innocent bystanders which delights me! yeah its tacky and thats alright for fightin. grrherhahaha



what? you dont like this shirt? what was that all ya'll were saying about free speech???? grrrrrrherhahahaha tonight when someone protests (and they will) i will say something like... that superior fire power provided you with the liberty to say God Damn America! so cheer up!

grrrrrrrherherhahahah

The Poet Laura-eate said...

They look pretty cool to me!

I love the Romanesque look - I hope you have a toga-style dress to set them off.