Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Snow White is Getting Worried

My bats are here – a pallid bat nursing colony that since the beginning of time has parked itself under the beams of our porch to raise their young and decapitate every Jerusalem cricket in the universe, cavalierly discarding their carcasses onto the floor, a habit which never fails to just gross me right the fork out. And, despite the fact that S.B. built them a rocking new bat condo two years ago, they still insist on living under the porch and shitting all over my stucco.


Sigh. What am I gonna do. Serve them an eviction notice? Besides, they're really, really cute.

The hummers have showed up, too. Greedy little bastards. 'Nuff said. Except, I should own stock in Sugar Cane.

And the rabbits. Oy. Here's one I keep tossing our rotten apples to in an effort to guide its attention away from my marigolds, basil, and parsley. Look at the lil' fucker go. He had that thing gone in, like, 2.458 seconds. Then he moved on to the basil.


Where was Ivan, you ask?


But you know who I can't find anywhere? Madonna. See, last summer, she and her girlfriends were all:


But so far this year, the condo remains empty. Sniff. I miss my spiders.

Oh, and this thing? Hasn't changed a bit.


I poked at it the other day. Squishy. Double sniff. 'Twas a tomb in the end, most likely.

15 comments:

iamnot said...

Stop throwing food to the animals you want to get rid of.
Since Ivan looks retired, might I suggest a nice JRT with access to a doggy door. That should end the rabbit situation. Of course, then you'll be stuck with the little JRT(errorist).
BB guns for bats? Air horns near their sleepy spots in the daytime? I'm not sure.

Anonymous Boxer said...

I see Ivan is performing his duties beautifully. ZZZZZZZ

Da Bunny is C U T E, and I applaud you trying to negoiate with it... but he's clearly got you pegged.. "She gives me apples which taste fab with basil!"

As for those bats.. we have a problem with Swallows; they build nests on our porch, make cute babies and we spend the summer cleaning up after them all.

You're quite National Geographic right now aren't you?

moi said...

Iamnot: Poor Jack Russell's. Can't live with 'em, can't make 'em into stew. No, see, I WANT the bats to stay. But I want them in the bat condo. Not sure how to facilitate the relocate, though. So, for now, I scrub stucco.

AB: When the apocalypse arrives? Only cockroaches and cotton tails will remain. Oh, and now there are cougars in the hills. And I'm not talking you and me in hiking shoes, either.

she said...

man oh man are you lucky!! im sick with envy. bats can come right in my place will give em the living room. at chickory, i have black snakes in the attic. and no mice. grrrerhahaha.

i LOL'ed when i saw the shot of Ivan. love that.

since TROUT came on board, i dont have anymore wildlife. only shitreseetas. (i arrived home and val has said he will NOT be left alone with the hens in summer again. laying season is hell.)

all the deer were run out. i am concerned about what she will do about the bear. will she challenge him? i dont know.

too bad about the moth.

moi said...

She: I love my bats. About once a year, they go through this phase where, somehow (we can't figure out HOW), they get lost and end up in the house. Last summer, one flew into the ceiling fan and zonked itself. I put on gloves and picked it up and put it outside to recover. It was about the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Aw man, I dunno. Trout's prey drive sounds off the charts. Dogs share about 90 percent of their genetics with bears (like us and the apes). So it could either be all: "Uncle Fred, long time no see!" or, "Hey, you pest, you must die!" Ivan's never run into one, thank God. But he's treed just about everything else in the universe. But, as you can see, he's mostly retired now.

iamnot said...

I just don't think you can negotiate with bunnies like that. Clearly providing more food will only encourage more bunnies.

Doris Rose said...

ahh, Life at the manse. The drought has curtailed most life around the manor...except fer them wascally wabbits, looks looks like Bunny summer camp around here.

Anonymous Boxer said...

In my world, I have to worry about an Eagle we have on our other property and the fact that my dogs look a lot like ducks ... to the Eagles.

And wolves.

Be careful with those cougars.

iamnot said...

I needs me a cougar...the two legged kind.

The Troll said...

Glad to see most commenters were Pro-Bat. They're marvelous helpful critters and friends to the Troll.

I don't know what kind of snakes you have in desert besides rattlers but some of them are quite adept at guarding gardens. Rattlers probably are too but...

As for She's Bear, has Trout smelled the bear yet? Most dogs go berserk from the scent long before humans espy the bear.

moi said...

Iamnot: So, yer Hawkish on the wabbits, then? As for two-legged cougars, I think you need to go the OTHER way, downward in years :o)

Doris: Yup. See former comment re: cockroaches and wabbits. How about Señor Rattler? He show up yet?

AB: Eagles and wolves? That's awesome! Well, except for the Chihuahua snack bit. Although, I totally can't see Paco going quietly.

Troll: Loves me some snakes as well. S.B. nearly had a heart attack the first time I insisted he relocate a rattler from our front porch rather than shoot it. But he's all about the luv now, too. Rattlers are really quite docile. Other than their kind, I've seen bulls, kings, garters, and milk.

Wicked Thistle said...

Bugs wants to come and live at your house, where the vittles are way better and will be thrown at his head, which adds some interest to the bland landscape of his day.

As for that squooshy entombed thing...ew.

ThursdayNext said...

I have two cats patroling my outdoors, so not much makes its way in these parts. :)

moi said...

Wicked: That would be like City Cousin versus Country Cousin. But I'll have him in Rambo Rabbit shape in no time. As for removal of squishy tomb thing, that's got "Job for S.B." written all over it.

Thursday: Aw, NYC-raised cats got real 'tude. Scare o' them. Unfortunately, in these parts, they'll last 3.5 seconds. Mr. Ivan eats them.

NYD said...

I want the dog's life.