Friday, February 1, 2008

Jessica Alba is a Dumb C-Word

Because, obviously, she's too busy getting high (or spray on tanned or whatever it is movie stars do to la, la, la, la, la themselves through the empty spaces of their lives) to do more than superficially surf the town in which she's making yet another one of her crap-ass movies.

In an interview with about her recent movie, The Eye, Alba says of Albuquerque, Moi's beloved hometown and the city where the movie was shot:

In Albuquerque there's really only one restaurant that's pretty good. You can only take Applebee's and Chili's so much. Our big day was hanging out at Walmart for five hours. It was like, 'Yeah Walmart!'

Obviously, the bitch has never heard of the fact that Albuquerque is one of the oldest and most historic, culturally diverse, architecturally stunning, and downright fascinating cities in the history of the universe.

Did she go downtown and see this,
one of the greatest extant examples of Pueblo/Deco architecture?

How about this, home of world famous iconoclastic architect, Bart Prince?

Did she climb this?

Visit here?

Shop these?

Dine here?

or here?

How about here?

(Oh, I forgot. Bitch don't eat.)

Did she take a stroll along here in the morning?

Cool off here in the afternoon?

Party here at night?

Did she buy any of this?

Or talk to them?

Obviously, not.

Look, I love the fact that Albuquerque is rapidly becoming a top notch movie-making destination. We even have some brandy new studios and Moi's very own father is making fine pocket cash as a movie extra. But actors are notoriously stoooopid and that we do not need. It's bad enough we have a pea-brained despot for mayor.

So please, all you Hollyweird folks: just do your job, spend your money, and then go home. And once back in Fantasy Island land? Keep your mouth shut.


Meghan said...

Jessica Alba is one of the biggest wastes of space ever to ever draw breath on this planet. And, as to what she said... yes, what a dumb, ignorant cunt.

I can't believe she's breeding. It's criminal.

moi said...

Oh, yeah. Don't even get me started on the d'oh factor of her being a mom! One must wonder: once her spawnling arrives on the scene, what happens to all her rescued dogs? Hollyweirdians are notorious for sending their pets back to the shelter during major life events.

Anonymous said...

Someone I know was on the crew of 'The Eye' and said that Jessica Alba is totally dull. Like, there is nothing interesting about her at all, no personality, no intellect. Just because you are pretty doesn't mean that you are smart or adventurous. Charlize Theron as worked in Albuquerque and Las Cruces on two movies and she loved it here. Now that's a girl with beauty, brains, and an awesome personality.

I have done a lot of traveling and I've been stuck in some real one horse towns, but I can always find something fun and interesting to do and believe it or not I don’t go to Wal-Mart, lame-o!

Don't rip on my hometown Alba! You aren't worthy of ABQ.

Anonymous Boxer said...

Wow. Forget J.Alba and her IQ of about what? 10? And Hello Albuquerque.

I've been to your lovely part of the world and it's the one place I would consider retiring.

Doris Rose said...

Bravo, Bravo GREAT piece on ABQ. Send it to the paper--better yet the Alibi.
Silly Ass wench don't know what she's talkin about. Wait a minute...maybe she was in Moriarty!
to be honest-I have no clue who she is, anyway. pah.

Wicked Thistle said...


(Think of this, though--how much *worse* would it have been had she fallen in love with abq and decided to move herself and all her dumb starlet friends here? Eh? Eh? Noooo, Jessica, you go on home now. No room for you here.)

Wicked Thistle said...

P.S. Great pics!

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...


the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

and I note, with interest, that even the writer of that article pointed out that her account is dumb.

moi said...

Anonymous: Ooh, thanks for the inside dish. Celebrity has many drawbacks, I guess. One of them is the constant need to BE entertained, rather than going out and making your own fun. Small. Brains.

AB: Well, we're certainly a marked contrast to your part of the world. Bring moisturizer :o)

Doris Rose: Pretty, but stoooopid girl. And hey, don't be hatin' on Moriarty!

Wicked: Yes. A huge concern. 'Cause we all know what a carpetbagging state this is. Thirty years ago, you couldn't GIVE away property in Santa Fe.

Pirate: Celebrities should not be allowed to speak without prior coaching by their PR peoples. So what, they sound stilted and cliched? Better than bringing down the wrath of an entire town on your head.

The Troll said...

From this day forward, I won't be watching Jessica Alba movies! Just for you, Moi!

moi said...

Aw, Troll, I'm touched. 'Cept I know how much you hate Hollyweird anyway :o)

upset waitress said...

Wooo you are upset moi. No worries though. Lets hope her crotch spawn splits her putrid hole in two! Would that make ya feel better? :)

Meghan said...

Oh yeah... I want to echo doris rose's sentiments on the excellent tribute to ABQ. I feel like we got so robbed that we couldn't spend more time there when we were driving cross-country.

Aunty Belle said...

Youse so CUTE when youse mad as a hornet.

Will ya' be mah tour guide when I come to ABQ?

Vivi said...

She is just void of any intelligence. Those pictures are wonderful. Thanks for posting them and for the rant on Miss Poop-for-Brains.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for saying this! How dare Alba trash ABQ? We rock!

Anonymous said...

High crime rate, unemployed, hmmmm

Anonymous said...

I hear you. Albuqerque is going down hill. Glad, I am movinng the worst place I have lived since being in the military.

Anonymous said...

I gave Jessica Alba the benefit of the doubt until I saw her recent appearance on Letterman promoting her movie: Machete. Boy she was way below average intelligence - zero wit; zero character. She spoke with the mental capacity of a 10 year old. Terrible.

Anonymous said...

Dude whatever fuck albuquerque

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Anonymous said...

Jessica Alba may be pretty but that's just about the only reason she is even famous. She's about as interesting as the tape dispenser sitting on my desk...actually my tape dispenser is probably a lot more interesting. I never knock people or pick on them but when I see all the hype she gets on instagram, etc. I just don't get it. She seems dull, non intelligent and it's clear she made it for all the wrong reasons meanwhile there are so many others who are talented struggling just to get one shot at it. There's a few other actresses I could say the same thing about...just don't get it.

Sykronic said...

Alba isn't smart enough to operate a doorknob much less a person's name (in regard to mispronouncing Zac Efron's name at the MTV movie awards). Seriously, she couldn't take a few minutes to learn a person's name? It's completely braindead, self absorbed jackasses like this that have driven me from caring about Hollywood and anything they produce.