Thursday, October 13, 2011

Don't Shoot Me, I'm Just the Copy Editor

No, that's not me. But I did covet that hat and nearly talked her out of it. Then she emerged from her fog (alcohol? wacky weed? life?) and realized, "D'oh! I make these for a living, girl! BUY one from me!"

I dig the dress, too. She hand knit it herself and it fell all the way to the ground, ending in a spectacular fall of ruffles.

I also dug the party's venue: a resort high up in the hills above Santa Fe with the kind of million dollar views that make bazillionaire East Coasters leave their Manhattan spreads for bazillion-dollar dirt-built mansions off roads that the county resolutely refuses to plow come winter. It's kind of like Mulholland Drive or Lauren Canyon, only dustier.

The food, unfortunately, was uninspired. Lots of things like carpaccio wrapped around wasabi something-something and tuna tartar stuffed in mini cucumber cups and something-something hummus on radicchio, served by kohl-eyed and tattooed twenty-somethings who otherwise play in a band or really just want to write. But there was only one bartender. Eye candy bartender to be sure, but seriously there were hundreds of people at this shindig and only one of him. And once the sun went down, it got really cold outside and I was worried for him because he had a shaved head.

Me, I never drink at these things. Not only because of the drive, but because there's enough bullshit being spewed that I don't have to add to it. Besides, one of life's greatest pleasures is being stone cold sober while trying to figure out what, exactly, a drunk stranger in a deerskin jacket that looks like it was cribbed from Denis Hopper circa 1967 is trying to tell you. And not necessarily because they're slurring their words. There's nothing quite like alcohol to subvert logic and discretion and unlock the part of the brain where all a person's whack-on-crack impulses are toe-tapping themselves to be let loose upon the world.

Mine were reaching their hands through the bars with such desperation, I actually began to feel bad. And there wasn't even anything good to eat that I could shut them up with, so that was when I decided it was time to leave. I got lost on the way back down the mountain because I was talking to S.B. on the Bluetooth and not paying attention to the road, and then he made fun of me for insisting on doing things the old fashioned way, which was pull over, turn on the light, and look at the Google Map, instead of turning on the navigation system.

And then I spent the entire ride back home talking myself out of stopping at the McDonald's ten minutes from home for a Big Mac and some fries.

It's a wonder I ever leave the house.

For those of you clamoring for the view:
I took this one early on before the sun set completely.
No way iPhone can do it justice, but it gives you an idea of height and scope.


chickory said...

oh man. no more photos? drunk art people in santa fe? boo! love the shot you did get (moisturize, dammit, moisturize!). Having been to your spectacular home i totally get the million dollar views. I use that stone cold sober strategy too at these girls weekends i go to up at the lake. I pretend im having vodka, its water, play cards and win money. *wink*

soooo can see the dennis hopper jacket man. Are you sure you are not holding back some photos?

i bartender. hundred people. in the south, there would be a riot.

fun post!

chickory said...

that would be "1" bartender

Jenny said...

well, my new found sobriety (for the most part) is always served well when cars and dark mountains are involved. I rarely drink in public or at parties... I like waking up and not flinching or re-thinking what I said.

I'd love to bartend. Weeee!

Love the outfit, btw, and I'm glad you had a nice night out. I turned down a fashion show last night in lieu of a good haircut/color for about the same price of the ticket to the event. I was home by 8:00 and watched the art show. Pffff, can we have a post about that, next? xoxoox

chickory said...

i forgot about the art show!

moi said...

Chickory: I actually didn't take that many photos. In the heat of observing and chatting, I usually end up forgetting to. I "record," instead, in my head :o)

Boxer: Oh, no, bartending like that is a thankless job. And (F)Art Show sucked, didn't it!

Chickory: Spoiler alert, in case you didn't TIVO:

There was one interesting dude on there--ONE--who was also crazy hot and French. He went home (wrongly so), so now there's no eye candy left. But there does indeed seem to be some Crazy.

darkfoam said...

That's a very cool outfit. I would wear the hat and the outfit too. (except the outfit wouldn't look good on me). I'm like you. Despite my foaminess I actually don't drink and drive. Hence I'm usually the designated driver and very, very sober at events like this. The one icky thing about being sober while everybody else is drunk is acutely noticing the alcohol stench emanating out of their mouths when they get into your face to talk bs.
Btw, I don't have any kind of navigational system in my car beyond a paper map .. plus, i don't have a smart phone either.

fun post! i enjoyed reading it.

moi said...

Foam: Yes on alcohol breath! And the drunker someone gets, the closer they creep towards you. What is that about, I wonder?

czar said...

I'm very jealous. Last time I was at any kind of a social function representing myself as a copyeditor I was sitting across from another editor with a club sandwich in front of me with entirely the wrong kind of mustard for the task. I think the other editor was eating grilled cheese.

pam said...

Very good advice on not drinking so much at these things. I know someone who puts water in a wine glass to carry around so that no one keeps offering her something. I should take that to heart, really, because these things in my world are rarely without a few *watchers* if you know what I mean. MEANWHILE. That hat! That dress! Love it. Cynthia Crawley would wear that hat. Totally a squirrel hat but in a good way! Come snark, the station is up and running.

moi said...

Czar: Ah, yes, but in spite of the mustard, you most likely had the better meal between us.

Pam: Exactly. This was, in spite of its anarchic verve, still a work function. I was introduced as a "key contributor" to the magazine and the last thing I'd want in that case would be for people to think, "Wow, that key contributor can't hold her her liquor or shut her mouth." Even worse: "WTF is she wearing?"

czar said...

"key contributor"

That's a great title for a business card.

moi said...

Czar: Nebulous enough to lift me out of "management" realm, too.

Heff said...

I'd like to see that dress "fall all the way to the ground"....

Aunty Belle said...

grrr! blogger is eating comments--

I'd love to see that hat on yore haid.

The least ya coulda done wuz give us a pic of the fabulous fer GPS? well, they's fine, but I like the hard copy:Gimme a map!

moi said...

Heff: Long time no see! It's comforting to know some things never change.

Aunty: Impossible to do the view justice to the views with my iPhone.

Karl said...

Good afternoon Moi,

That hat might be OK with a few feet of snow and a mink coat underneath. But as presented, no interest here. Kind of feel the same way about the dress, maybe if it was a different color. What is with the sleeves that don't attach?

You have a good strategy for dealing with public situations like that. Sober always has the upper hand.

Paper maps go along way to give an overall perspective small screens don't deliver. On my recent travels, one of the crew was a proficient thumb talker. He had one of the most modern iphone. Consistently the routes that were given by his GPS took much longer than my routes using the paper map. Of course I miss the sextant. (not really I haven't used mine since the 90's)

moi said...

Karl: It's okay, you're a dude, so it's expected you don't understand much about female fashion :o) I'm a huge fan of maps. Whenever S.B. and I travel, I must have an atlas in my lap. GPS will never replace that feeling.

Aunty Belle said...

readin' backwards--on Jobs, yeah, but in the photo he is holdin' a Red Delicious, not a Macintosh.

What a vision--amazin'. I read a Ross Douthat commentary on Jobs--how he also insured the *beauty* of the utilitarian thang he conceived.
It's a good read:

moi said...

Aunty: Very astute observation on the apple! Thanks for the read--wonderful.