Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Cretins Cloning and Feeding

Question: If we can legislate morality; if we can legislate economic activity; if we can legislate 'til we're blue in the face every gosh darn, ding dang thing that springs up as a result of human existence and interaction then why, oh why, can we not have an I.Q. requirement for flying on an airplane?


Did y'all see this on the news this morning?

Grandmother Paralyzed By Turbulence

I may not know much about the physics of air flight, but I do know this: When even the flight attendants aren't up and about serving their warm soda and stale peanuts, you for damn sure better keep your happy ass glued and buckled in your seat until the captain gives you the okey dokey. Capisci?

What an idiot. Sometimes, stupid is just stupid, an accident is just an accident, and incidents are beyond our ability to control, legislate, or adjudicate.

And, finally, why "grandmother"? Why not "Woman Paralyzed by Turbulence"? Does being a grandmother give this lady any special status in the eyes of the law? Does she deserve some extra special sympathy just because she's managed to pass along her genetics? Even though, by all accounts, she seems to have done so pretty incompetently?

Talk about media "bias."

And this is only Monday, Party People.


Big Shamu said...

This isn't the same grandmother who spilled the hot coffee at Micky D's is it?

Aunty Belle said...

One word for ya Moi, mah Cherie on why the word grandmother:


Gnomeself Be True said...

Personally, I think about 2/3rds of the injury headlines should start with "Moron."
Go ahead, plug it in and see how often it fits.

Jenny said...

bwahahah to Gnome's comment.

In the old days, this was allll taken care of by a little thing called "Natural selection" aka, THE DUMB DON'T SURVIVE. Nowadays? What Aunty said.... Lawyers.

MommyHeadache said...

Her argument is she has a weak bladder and needed to go for a piss. Well she should have just peed in a cup or something rather than deciding to walk to the loo when the attendants are telling everyone to stay in their seats because otherwise you will get seriously injured. Another case where some lawyer will win a million dollar settlement for this retarded woman no doubt! good old american justice.

h said...

First, I've heard about it. I don't watch the NBC/OBAMA network and tend to tune out this kind of story if it's briefly mentioned on Fox.

Frankly, I think some dude on the internet named IGOR is more likley to have factual information than NBC.

h said...


I thought IGOR was Gnome until I checked out his website!

moi said...

Shamu: No, but most likely her cousin twice removed on her mother's side.

Igor: Welcome and, uh, yeah.

Aunty: So the media now shills for lawyers in private practice. How convenient.

Gnome: She'll make this year's Darwin Awards for sure. But she probably won't be able to make it for lack of ability to hold her pee.

Boxer: Six gazillion billion people busting the planet at the seams and not only do we save the morons, we hand them million dollar settlements, too. Life out of. Balance.

Emma: I swear, the entire world must have a weak bladder the instant they get on a plane. I've been on flights with turbulence so bad even atheists were Hail Marying and there were still people sauntering up and down the aisles and into the bathrooms.

Troll: I thought YOU were Igor! Hmmmm . . . who's Igor?

Bretthead said...

Sad on all counts. I guess to offset the Grandma part of the headline, they should have added Supid Ass to the front. But that seems a little cruel, eh?

moi said...

WTWA: When I first heard the story and the word, "Grandmother," I pictured this frail, 80-year-old that someone surely should have at least HELPED to the restroom, right? But, no. The woman doesn't look a day over 50. Puhleeze.

sparringK9 said...

you racist! you ageist! grherhaha

i think the taxpayers will pick this lawsuit up in the form of extra fees for dumbasses. remind me again why i want to take a trip anywhere that doesnt involve me driving? oh well, we'll be financing her weak bladder depends pads for LIFE! is it too late to flee to new zealand?

czar said...

"Grandmother" was used because "pasty-faced, litigious dumbass" wouldn't fit.

You can take one look at that woman and know she's looking for someone to sue for all the wrongs done her.

Hey, Moi, did you get warm pop and stale nuts flying to the Northwest? The puddle-jumpers I've been on lately, they don't even bother. And half the time, when the flight attendants do serve something, they invariably smash into my elbow or shoulder coming down the aisle.

"Increasingly decrepit father sues for bruises incurred on nonturbulent flight." Whaddya think?

Jenny said...

she's 47.

czar said...

Some years back the average age for a grandmother in a particular Atlanta housing project was 28. Average age. Think about it.

moi said...

K9: I bet she was wearing FLIP FLOPS, too!

Czar: I try not to fly any carrier other than Southwest, upon whom you can always depend for at least a Bloody Mary and some peanuts.
For how much longer, who knows?

Boxer: Sweet Jesus.

Czar: I guess all that "abstinence" training in our publik skools is working REAL good.

Jenny said...

I was going to make a Depends comment until I saw her age.

never mind.

Pam said...

Another reason I quit watching the news. Yes, sometimes an accident is just that, and that is why they call them accidents because they can be tragic. Ack! Two words for this in Oklahoma: Lawsuit Reform.

VintagePurseGal said...

Yeah, it's stupid. Light goes on, I'm buckled in, whether or not I have to pee. AND, BY THE WAY, THIS GRANDMOTHER IS A YEAR OLDER THAN I.

Does this mean I can sue my kid for elder abuse when she rolls her eyes at me?

moi said...

Boxer: I know. You gotta watch it these days. They just continue to breed 'em young.

Pam: If I were the judge, I'd throw this case out on it's patootie. And then order everyone to take Basic Responsibility for my Actions 101.

Wendy: Sure. And let's included resignedly sighing husbands while we're at it. And neighbors who stink eye our outfits.

Gnomeself Be True said...

I have a co-worker, not yet 50, showing off pictures of her great-grandchild.
Multi-generational 15 year old mothers. Genetically incapable of keeping their legs shut and too stupid to use birth control.

(I'm dripping with compassion this morning.)