Thursday, March 3, 2011
American Idol Snark Station: Girls Just Wanna?
What? Prove they can put me to sleep faster than the anesthesia I was given at 7am yesterday morning?
Puhleeze. I barely got through this. So let's get to it, shall we?
WHO I HATED:
Ta-Tynisa Wilson, who sang "Only Girl." First of all, hated the outfit (what's with all the wedge booties?). Second of all, she was way too flat and way too low. Besides who the heck is going to be able to pronounce her name, if she ever gets it ON a record album?
Rachel Zevita, not only for the fact that she Lolita-ed herself out (ick, little girls as sex objects, ick!), but that she also butchered one of my all time favorite songs, Fiona (bite the) Apple's sexy/smooth "Criminal."
Karen Rodriguez, who rocked the column dress trend but bored me to tears with "Hero." I still haven't fully woken up from the performance. Geez. What does a girl gotta do to get a little la vida loca around here?
Haley Reinhart with "Fallin'" because, seriously, haven't we already sent this song out into the universe way more than enough times? Somewhere in a galaxy far, far away, within a solar system much like ours, on a big blue planet supporting similarly intelligent life, some poor, innocent being is scanning its little corner of heaven in order to make contact with other forms of intelligent life, when, suddenly, something comes through its headphones. "Blimey!" it shouts. "Not this &@#$%&* song again?!?" Alicia Keys did it first, did it best, and now can we just put it to rest?
WHO I MOSTLY LIKED:
Lauren Alaina with "Turn on the Radio." Lots of energy, lots of parallels to Kelly Clarkson, which is a good thing.
Ashton Jones. What did she sing? Oh, yeah. "Love Over Me." Doesn't really matter, though. What does matter is that she has an incredibly professional stage presence. The ONLY girl who not only looked comfortable up there, but who could also work the camera. She gonna be a star. Either that, or a high class hooker.
And, finally, Naima Adedapo. Sure, her rendition of "Summertime" wasn't near what Fantasia Barino's was, but I like the way she jazzed it up, and I like her over all look, in spite of that hideous home-designed gown.
Everybody else? Just, meh, and that goes for Pia Toscano's "I'll Stand by You." Even though I love the Pretenders with every ounce of my being, sweet Jesus, this is one boring-ass song and Pia's to-the-rafters, soap operatic treatment is exactly the kind of earnest performance that sends me into fits of embarrassment.
What say you, members of the Idol Nation?