Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Sometimes, it's also downright embarrassing. Especially when it comes to music. You know, those songs that every tenet of good taste begs you to eschew but that nonetheless manage to stick in your head like a fist full of spaghetti after it dries on the wall. Songs that make you break out into spontaneous, against-your-will sing-a-longs just as traffic comes to a complete standstill during rush hour and you've left all the windows open.
The ones you furtively stash in your iPod because who else besides you is going to know they're there? Well, you and the BofA account executive that sends you your eBill every week, but Suresh lives in Mumbai and most likely hasn't gotten around to Lady Ga Ga's latest yet. The songs you try, try, try to kick to the curb but they keep getting right back up like sister christian and her eye of the tiger to hit you with their best shot because everybody was kung-fu fighting.
So, tell Moi: what are the Top 10 Songs You Know You Shouldn't Love? If you show me yours, I'll show you mine, and we can all hate ourselves in the morning.
1. Even Better Than the Real Thing – U2. I can't abide U2 for very long. It's Bono's fault, I readily admit; he's just so insufferably earnest. Still, on this song, the Edge's sibilant guitarwork is like waves breaking one after the other on a sunlit, white sanded beach. Sparkling, hypnotic, and impossible to ignore.
2. Beautiful - Christina Aguilera. Yeah, yeah, the tuned-to-eleven, poor-poor-pitiful-me wince factor outdoes even that of Janis Ian's "Seventeen," but the vocals are scary good.
3. Zombie - The Cranberries. If Boudicca decided to raise herself from wherever she's been spending these past, what, one thousand years, she'd probably want to inhabit Dolores O'Riordan's body.
4. Poker Face – Lady Ga Ga. Girl's a hot ass mess just begging for some Paglia-esque psychoanalysis, but I dare you to try to mum mum mum mah this song out of your head.
5. Mmmbop – Hanson. Speaking of mmmmm . . . come on, you know you like it, too.
6. I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That) – Meatloaf. Everything a woman needs to know about a man's approach to relationships in a near 15 minute opus for which rock opera status is just a chorus line out of reach.
7. I Used to Love Her (But I Had to Kill Her) – Guns N' Roses. Is it funny or is it misogynist? I vote funny because, come on ladies, admit it: sometimes we all just need a good bullet to the head.
8. La Vida Loca - Ricky Martin. So, sue me.
9. If I Could Turn Back Time - Cher. I have been quietly waving my freak flag for Cher ever since "Half Breed." I even forgive her all those Bob Whacky outfits.
10. Once Bitten Twice Shy – Great White. Everything that was sooooooo wrong and yet soooooooo right with early '90s hair band music. Plus, it was written by the great Ian Hunter, so there.