Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Live Fast, Die Eaten

I know, it's gross. Blame Wicked. She started it.

So I was feeding the hummers last night, hurrying to provide them with their evening repast before the skies split open and scared me rotten from going outside ever again, when I saw it. Right there on my front stoop. This half masticated sumpthin' or another that I know, just know, is the fault of my ever lovin' bats. Cute tho they may be, they're blood thirsty as hell. You should see the bug carcasses gathering on my porch.

Which explains this fun fact about bats: they can eat up to 1,000 bugs – or nearly their entire body weight – each, per night. I can relate. I have been known, on occasion and especially when S.B. is out of town and I'm left to my own devices, to eat nearly my entire weight in cupcakes while perusing celebrity gossip Web sites instead of watching something edifying on television like how Alexander the Great smashed and bashed his way to conquering the entire known world except Antarctia and New Jersey. Even Alexander didn't want New Jersey.


I now return you to your regularly schedule blog to make these additional observations:

1. Well, Scooter Libby may now be officially pardon-ay-moi-ed, but hey, there's a silver lining to every cloud: That right there seems to me to be such a WTF!?! moment, that fo' sho' Congress will finally get all righteously indignant and prosecute Da Shrub for gross misconduct of office or some such similarly slimy-assed thing. Right? Right?

2. Memo From Moi to the Eight Terroristos Thankfully Snagged by Our Good Buddies Across the Pond, Wot: Next time why don't cha all LEARN yourselves a little more about explosives, huh? Oh, sorry. I forgot. No light in caves to read the instruction manuals provided along with your training course, How to Jihad in 10 Easy Steps For Fun and Profit. So I guess y'all had to wing it. Oh, and I suppose the fact that you also attended medical school in a cave means your instructors just skipped right on over the Hippocratic Oath entirely. Especially the part about : "I shall do no harm . . ."

May a 1,000 pallid bats chew happily away at your innards. Fucktards.


Wicked Thistle said...

OMG, that thing was...gross. Really, really gross. I am supersonic sorry that I started anything at all. Nasty stuff, Mother Nature. Nasty stuff.

Yeah, on Scooter Libby & his pal in the Oval, I place a big fat pox. I would curse them with tiny dicks, but, well...why tamper with what inbreeding has already taken care of?? Someday we will look back and weep.

Thanks for today's updates in the world of news and fo' yo' smarty way of taking the sting out!

p.s. Also, really, really nice way to bring your topics full circle! Bats, Scooter Libby, eating one's own weight in cupcakes, terrorists, bats! Lovely job!

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

Oh you read my mind.

I thought these people were Doctors, and I thought Doctors were supposed to be smart? I don't know what to say.

You really cannot say anything intelligent about a grown man who calls himself "Scooter".

I rest my case.

Pallid bats are tres very cool, but WTF is THAT?? EWW!

moi said...

Ladies, I have NO IDEA what that is. Today I poked at it. More stuff came oozing out. I stopped poking. I think it's some kinda, uh, back end of some kinda big ass bug? That, uh, lost its head to a pallid bat appetite? I dunno, it's still out there . . .

Meghan said...

No light in caves to read the instruction manuals provided along with your training course, How to Jihad in 10 Easy Steps For Fun and Profit.

I just shot coffee out my nose.

Thank you.