Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Live Fast, Die Eaten
I know, it's gross. Blame Wicked. She started it.
So I was feeding the hummers last night, hurrying to provide them with their evening repast before the skies split open and scared me rotten from going outside ever again, when I saw it. Right there on my front stoop. This half masticated sumpthin' or another that I know, just know, is the fault of my ever lovin' bats. Cute tho they may be, they're blood thirsty as hell. You should see the bug carcasses gathering on my porch.
Which explains this fun fact about bats: they can eat up to 1,000 bugs – or nearly their entire body weight – each, per night. I can relate. I have been known, on occasion and especially when S.B. is out of town and I'm left to my own devices, to eat nearly my entire weight in cupcakes while perusing celebrity gossip Web sites instead of watching something edifying on television like how Alexander the Great smashed and bashed his way to conquering the entire known world except Antarctia and New Jersey. Even Alexander didn't want New Jersey.
I now return you to your regularly schedule blog to make these additional observations:
1. Well, Scooter Libby may now be officially pardon-ay-moi-ed, but hey, there's a silver lining to every cloud: That right there seems to me to be such a WTF!?! moment, that fo' sho' Congress will finally get all righteously indignant and prosecute Da Shrub for gross misconduct of office or some such similarly slimy-assed thing. Right? Right?
2. Memo From Moi to the Eight Terroristos Thankfully Snagged by Our Good Buddies Across the Pond, Wot: Next time why don't cha all LEARN yourselves a little more about explosives, huh? Oh, sorry. I forgot. No light in caves to read the instruction manuals provided along with your training course, How to Jihad in 10 Easy Steps For Fun and Profit. So I guess y'all had to wing it. Oh, and I suppose the fact that you also attended medical school in a cave means your instructors just skipped right on over the Hippocratic Oath entirely. Especially the part about : "I shall do no harm . . ."
May a 1,000 pallid bats chew happily away at your innards. Fucktards.