Thursday, December 1, 2011

Blow, Blow, Thou Winter Wind

I can handle just about any kind of weather: heat, freezing cold, ice, snow, rain, and hail. Anything but wind. Wind makes me crazy. And my life miserable.

I ran into town around noon today to deposit a check and gas the Jeep in prep for the 12" of snow we're supposed to get starting late tomorrow. The winds were so strong, I couldn't open the door at the pump. On the way home along I-40 through Tijeras Canyon, I hit a headwind with the tenacity of a brick wall that nearly stalled the Jeep in its tracks. In front of me an 18-wheeler started to shake, rattle, and roll, and someone's lawn chair (?!?) missed me by feet on its merry skip across four lanes of traffic. I jumped off the nearest exit to finish my journey along the relative safety of Route 66 and stuttered along behind a line of fifty gazillion other high-profile vehicled chumps with V-8s smacked down by Mother Nature.

Right now, I'm watching entire mature pine trees bend themselves like yoga freaks right outside my office window. The birds have all disappeared from my feeders, although the ravens are diggin' the thermal ride high up in the still-blue sky. Ravens are never scared.

If I look outside the window next to my front door (because if I actually go outside, I'll be pelted with flying leaves and small rocks) beyond the frenetically swinging porch swing and across my driveway and down, down, down and out, all the way to where the woods end about three miles from here and the American Short Grass Plains begin their relentless march toward Oklahoma, all I can see is a curtain of dun-colored dust obscuring what is normally a fifty-mile view. And what I think are a few small animals and maybe a toddler or two spinning around in the whirlwind.

And the sound. Like a million freight trains screaming. Like ghosts not yet retired. Like zombies moaning for brains. I suspect this sound must be very similar to what mass murderers hear ringing in their ears for years before they finally snap and take down a post office, school yard, or lunchroom.

If you don't hear back from me in a couple days, it means I was blown away like the rest of my world, Dorothy-ied up into the sky and into some bizarre Oz-ian universe where at least I hope I'll get a pair of ruby slippers for my troubles.

Until then, I think I'll go run a vacuum. It buries the sound.


Karl said...

Afternoon Moi,

Best thing is to hunker down and stay out of the wind. It will pass. Watch out for fires.

Stay safe, my friend.

Sharon Rudd said...

Yikes! And are those winds coming from the east? Do you often get wind from that direction? Stay safe. Will send milder weather vibes in your direction.

moi said...

Karl: It's supposed to be gone by the early morning, but then the snow comes. Six of one, half dozen of the other. Still, I prefer snow to wind!

Eggy: Yes, and it's very, very rare for our winds to be coming out of the east. 99.99 percent of the time, they come straight out of the west or southwest. So dependable, in fact, that I plan run routes based on wind patterns. Thanks for the good vibes. How're things your way?

Jenny said...

I think you're getting what hit L.A. yesterday? Did you see the photos? Well, don't look. Karl (as always) has sound advice; stay in. Which I know you'll do. How do the dogs do?

Wind scares me. Actually, Mother Nature pretty scares the schnizz outta me when it's out of control; wind, water, fire. No thanks.

moi said...

Boxer: Ivan's deaf, so he's fine. I ran an hour with Maddie this morning, knowing this was coming and she slept most of the day. But about 4pm she was wide awake and barking at every little noise. Now she's resolutely refusing to sleep in her cushy LL Bean bed and is instead shedding on ours. Grrrrrrrr.

Pam said...

Holy crap holy crap. Not looking forward to this one! You are getting that much snow???? Ou/osu on sat, could be a game breaker. Batten down the hatches and hang on, girlfriend

chickory said...

what a fine piece of writing this was. read it twice, could see you, the wind, the swirling, the grass. It is an amazing place where you live and you conjured it all back for me.

I actually really like wind - crazy wind. I am the doofus that goes out to video tape it. dogs like wind. horses hate it. are you a horse year person? I am a dog year person. I know that you are more sun than moon. and that is all the la la la la ive got.

Aunty Belle said...


Keep yore haid down, Pumpkin.

This did it fer me:

"And the sound. Like a million freight trains screaming."

We's expectin' the survivor in a few hours.

Prayers for yore safety, Moi.

moi said...

Pam: We could get up to a foot here in the mountains, yes. Which is awesome for snowshoeing! Not so much for snow blowing. Dogs love the snow, too. It makes them extra frisky.

Chickory: See, you're bad ass enough to dig the wind :o) I'm not Horse. I'm Year of the Dragon. So you'd think I'd be less of a wuss.

Aunty: Wind has died down, now it's cold, and the snow is expected to start in a couple hours. I had a party to go to tonight, but no sir, I'm staying home and enjoying the spectacle! What's the worst weather you get, out there in the Land of Temperate?

Anonymous said...

I fly over MoiVille on the way to Vegas, Baby. The inflight monitor (yes, I watch it cause it's about the only thing that's free) had us facing headwinds of 156 mph at 30,000 which slowed the plane to about 510 mph land-speed.

As we approached Vegas Baby, the pilot cheerfully informed us that we'd be looking at 40MPH surface winds from the North so we could have a nasty descent.

Not sure how any of that is related to New Mexico surface weather.

The flight from Atlanta basically parallels I-40.

Anonymous said...

PS. You were right about the Wynn.

moi said...

Troll: No movie? The flight you're on usually has a movie. However, come to think of it, it's almost always something stupid like Jennifer Aniston's latest rom-com, so never mind. I assume you survived your bumpy landing?

P.S. Troll: I think that makes twice now in the past six months you've agreed with me on something. Wait for it . . . whew. The space/time continuum is still intact.

LaDivaCucina said...

I know what you mean...I never had any problem with wind in Michigan, it was something to power my kite or sailboat.

Then I moved to Chicago and The Hawk would take your breath away. One time when I rode past two high rises, it blew me and my Vespa over an entire car lane and I FREAKED and white knuckled it home.

And then I moved to Sydney where we had horrible bushfires spread by the WIND. Nothing worse than hot, fire-fueling wind.

Then I moved to California and experienced the Santa Ana winds and boy, did they get it out there the other day! Poor Pasadena!

Now I'm in Miami and experience basically two seasons, SWAMP (muggy, still, wet weather in summer) and WIND (endlessly blowing and ruining my plans in winter!) You can't hang on the beach on a windy day, no one likes sand in their face though it does make for some killer waves (if it's not like a dog's breakfast that is, all rippy and unsurfable)

I've been riding my bike to and fro as per usual and some days, the wind just about knocks me off! And why does it seem that no matter which direction I go, the wind is against me? Friday night we avoided the ARt Basel traffic and rode our bikes to an event at the Raleigh on the beach! Wind was soo strong but thankfully to our backs on the way home.

So, I getcher feelings on wind, ma dear, I do. I agree with Chicky, beautiful post and writing. Miss you girl, need to catch up! xo

moi said...

La Diva: Bwhahahahahaha! The wind follows you like a smitten puppy :o)