Friday, July 30, 2010

Bright Idea

What to do about the mother grizzly bear that attacked three Montana campers this week?

How about we fly her in to Chelsea Clinton's wedding and let her feed?

Three million dollars to shackle, um, pledge yourself to another person? I'm sorry, usually I'm live and let live when it comes to making a spectacle of oneself, but, really. This is insane, not to mention a tad shameful. Not just because Chelsea's parents are SUCH exemplary examples of the institution of marriage themselves, but because in these hard economic times, how wise is it for one of our Demobratic senators to cavalierly fling around that much taxpayer cash on what basically amounts to a bunch of flowers, champagne, and some mullet-headed, crap 80's tribute band?

Not to mention one over-the-top bit of flounce and poofery known as the wedding dress, which if you want to get all feminist ethological about it, can be seen as nothing more than yet another sanctioned commodification of the female form, only this time into a de-sexed, prepubescent bit of gift wrapping nevermindthatitsoscardelarenta and shouldn't Hilary, given her street cred, be offended by that?

I say: stick a bowtie on the grizzly and let her run wild in Rhinebeck.


Heff said...

The Grizzly would RUN IN FEAR at the hideous sight of Chelsea Clinton. I think the 3 mil was actually given to the guy so He'd marry her.

moi said...

Heff: Bah duh buh. Republitard Snark Numero Uno . . . Keep 'em comin' folks.

Buzz Kill said...

I don't think that $3 million takes in to account the cost of the secret service, other security and enforcing the no-fly zone over the wedding. It's a good thing we're not in a recession or anything. I can see Hillary Clinton in her mother-of-the-bride dress now (hopefully covering the canckles) saying, "let them eat cake." Bill Clinton, on the other hand, will be saying, "How old is that bride's maid?"

Bretthead said...

I thought Hillary is a grizzly bear? How many grizzly bears are necessary at one wedding? They better at least do that Russian leg dance.

moi said...

Buzz: Oooooo, you and Heff are tied for making me pee my pants laughing.

WTWA: Oopsie, I forgot the extra "l" in her name. Some editor I am. I dunno, it ain't a party as far as I'm concerned unless an entire zoo shows up.

Jenny said...

I heard an interview by a man who was dragged out his tent at 3:00 a.m. last summer by a bear in the same park. He said anyone camping in a tent in bear territory is plain stupid. And this is why camping to me is a Motel 6.

"The Wedding" - uff dah. Why do we care? zzzzzzz. Can't we just throw her in a volcano and get it over with? (no offense to the bride, just the whole B.S. surrounding weddings.)

Pam said...

Can I just point out that the phrase "Mama Grizzlies" has recently been appropriated by Sarah Palin? And that because of this fact, throwing a Mama Grizzly into the mix at Chelsea's wedding makes it much more amusing?

moi said...

Boxer: I read a lot of early American history, accounts of pioneers, trappers, scouts, etc., and hands down the one thing that could make these otherwise tough-as-nail men tremble like girly girls was a grizzly. They spent a lot of time avoiding them. So why, today, do we assume that any wild animal is somehow "people friendly?" I actually heard a woman say that, that she had to believe in her heart that the grizzly that attacked her was "not normal." What, she was expecting flowers?

Pam: Bwahahahahaha! You're tied with Heff and Buzz.

fishy said...

So I was kinda thinking the wedding was grizzly enough without fur.

Who in a sane state of being would volunteer to have Billary as in-laws,
no matter the surgical and financial incentives? Whoosh! This is even crazier than camping in a mother bear's turf.

Compassion for Chelsea and guy is pointless. Had they wanted to avoid this charade they could have easily done so. I do however, feel immense compassion for the reporter on the street corner reduced to talking about what designer was being worn by Madeline Albright.

LaDivaCucina said...

Don't care enough about Chelsea and her man or any of that wedding who ha to really care. I think if they want to have an over the top wedding, why not? Thousands of brides go over the top every day and if they had the Clinton's dough, they would too.

I don't get it, personally, my wedding was simple and elegant and only 44 people so I could actually enjoy my friends and family. YOU want an expensive wedding? How about 60 MILLION dollars?!

'nuff said.

As for the grizzly, remember Timothy "what's his name?" that insisted on living with the bears and one day a bear "he didn't know" came and chomped on him and his girlfriend? I heard the audio tape was the most horrific thing anyone had heard and will never be released. Bears and lions go after the head and face first. Makes sense.

Milk River Madman said...

I live 90 miles from where the attack was. I do not, and will not, sleep in a tent when I am camping anymore. About 10 years ago I was camping on the Gallatin River about 50 miles from Yellowstone in a tent. About 5 in the morning, Sloan started going nuts. Barking hard and every hair on her back straight up. I grabbed my .40 cal and unzipped my tent. About 60 feet was a lone wolf. It was just staring at me when it heard the zipper. I was ready to start blasting if it came towards me. It swam the river instead. It was the last time a "tent camped" on the Gallatin.

moi said...

Fishy: hmmmm . . . what DID Madeline wear? Surely, not Bob Mackie?

La Diva: I saw a documentary on that guy and his girlfriend. Saddened and pissed me off, because the only creature to blame was his ego. I'm glad the tape will never be released. What they did play was horrifying enough.

Milk: S.B. and I floated the Missouri once through White Cliffs and had to camp both nights of the trip. While it was mostly cattle ranging country around us, I was nervous every night. That was the last time I camped, in both senses of the word. I'll do anything in the great outdoors except sleep in it.

Gnomeself Be True said...

1st...what have you got against a poor little man-killing grizzly?

2nd...Hillary's street creds include standing by her philandering hubby. You've come a long way baby.

3rd...all the while, Hillary is begging for money to retire her campaign debts. Shows you how they feel about who deserves the money.

4th...I received an offer for $500,000 of that cash to fix Chelsea's donkey face in the wedding pictures. Had to turn it down 'cause no one has skills like that.