Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Everything I Need to Know in Life I Can Learn From the Desert

1. Once you hit temps in the triple digits, there really is no difference between 100º Fahrenheit and 110º. It's all hot.

2. But it's a dry heat.

3. Sweat is nothing but air-conditioning.

4. It's nearly impossible for wild critters to sneak up on you. Unless they swoop down silently from the sky. But that's only bad news if you're a rabbit. Or a squirrel.

5. Stare for 45 seconds at an image of blue skies and red rocks, then look at a white wall. Coooooool.

6. Next to porn, the best way to get rich quick is to appropriate the traditions of our Native desert peoples and recast them as healing remedies for spiritually bereft upper middle class women with revolving credit.

Yah-tah-hey, have you aligned your chi with Great Spirit today?


Buzz Kill said...

So, how much money did you make in porn? Bwahaha

fishy said...

I aligned my spirit with summer haiku ... does that count?

Kymical Reactions said...

I'll take your 105 degrees over my humidity any day. Maybe I need to move. hummmm.

Jenny said...

and..... flats are for quitters?


Fine. But I still say it was too ding-dang hot. :-)

Now I need to go find where I put my Chi. I think it's somewhere with my sage stick and feathers.

moi said...

Buzz: Not much. The outfits were terrible and the men kinda cheesy. The shoes were cool, though.

Fishy: Of course! Whatever it takes.

Kym: People joke about the "it's a dry heat" comment, but it's really true. Add any kind of wet to the heat and I'm a gonner. Which is why I don't live in either Oklahoma or the Deep South, two places I love dearly.

Boxer: AND you left the Grey Goose at the spa! Some lucky housekeeper is having a great Great Spirit day.

Aunty Belle said...

Heh...I'se so sumpathetic wif' akshull Indians--they must hate that silliness.

An'...lucky I din't show up to surprise you ladies-- Ain't never had no vodka in may life--you could initiate me, of course.
(Prosecco is mah poison of choice) Nope--that ain't why, it's because I'se a number one quitter--in my flat sandals. AN I doan run--eveah! (less a bear is behind me.)


Heff said...

Such an upbeat post !

...and now I want bacon. and porn.

Jenny said...

run Moi, run!!!!!

Good luck and have fun.

chick9 said...


moi said...

Aunty: You need to come along one year. We'll have you running, drinking, and wearing heels in no time. Then deposit you back at Uncle's door leaving him to scratch his head :o)

Heff: Bacon is the culinary world's Hustler.

Boxer: I ran! And I had FUN!

Chick: A couple years ago, there was a women giving medicine card readings for $150 bucks. She had a Jersey accent.