Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Yes, Master

I mean, no! NO!

Not while driving in a car
Not while sitting in a bar.
Not while riding in a train
Not while dancing in the rain.
Not with a lifetime of sushi, free
Or a closet full of Anna Sui.
I will not wear these harem pants
Not while alive or dead in France.

'Cause that's what you'd have to do. Knock me over the head with something blunt, somehow un-peel me from my skinny jeans (not so easy to do to a corpse who spent her life chasing doughnuts, is it?), redress me in these hideous things, and then what? Place me in an action pose in front of Printemps in a final Fashion Felony salute to the cold, cruel world?

Why this trend now? Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe the shitty economy and grim state of affairs in our gub'ment has something to do with it. Usually when life goes south like a meth-head trying to make Mexico before the cops, fashion goes fantasy. You know, cross your arms in front of you, blink hard enough, and – poof! – all this goes away and we're once again living in a world before the one/two punch of Bushama gutted us all. Or could it be a sneaky comment on how we've all gone slavish lately?

Whatever the reason, Party People, harem pants are here with a vengeance. So much so, that even the normally laconic Anthropologie is going all yippy-skippy with their ads, pushing like I've never seen them push before:

Oh, and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse?
Behold: the Harem Onesie.

Look away, Party People. Before your retinas are ruined beyond repair.


Jenny said...

I think your last photo, which shows "HELL" from yesterday is perfectly placed. Thank you alerting us all to this horrid trend. Up here in the freezing PNW, we're all still happily wearing our camping clothes and this fashion "don't" won't come here unti NEXT year.

Do you remember something similar from the early 80's? Tight at the ankle and big in the legs? Ugh.

Pam said...

The only person wearing these should be MC Hammer and that should have been 25 years ago.

Big Shamu said...

Match those babies up with some crocs, GOLDEN!!!

The world of fashion is a total mystery to me. Oy!

Doris Rose said...

But think of the shoe options!!

sparringK9 said...

they hate us. they really do. (designers i mean) capris, gauchos, harem pants, onesies...... although the harem pants might be useful for smuggling..hmmmm

MommyHeadache said...

Holy christ! Terrifying.

They are also trying to flog those floor length summer dresses that look like old sacks of potatoes as a new trend. Why? ohwhyohwhy

fishy said...

Trying to protect my retinas from this offense is a challenge!

What exactly is the statement being made when we entice women to dress in the attire of Muslims who subjugate and stone their women?

Bravo to you for flaunting the skinny jeans and the HELL with the fashion trash promotions.

h said...

Harem Scare-Em.

Kymical Reactions said...

It's sort of a girly version of MC Hammer pants. Without the metallic.

Who designs this garbage and then who decides that it needs to be the latest rage?

Maybe I will have a drink today. Not to celebrate this ridiculous holiday, but because I have to numb myself to what these pants would do to the girth of my ass.

moi said...

Boxer: There is something to be said for the land of crickets chirping when it comes to fashion trends!

Pam: And, let's all admit it: they looked dumb ass on HIM!

Shamu: That's okay, because see, you'll never be caught dead in harem pants!

Doris: Don't start getting ideas for the next COWW!

K9: Well, I guess there's a silver lining to every cloud. Still . . . what would you smuggle in these? Entire HAMS?

Emma: Yes, those suck, too! What's Old Navy calling them on their latest commercials? Patio Dresses or some such shit?

Fishy: Never looked at it that way. That seals it: my aversion has doubled!

Chef Troll: Good one! Wish I'd thought of it for my header.

moi said...

kmwthay: I'm picturing some secret society that gets together each season to snort coke and free associate just how many crap trends they can try and pull over on unsuspecting women. They must. Be. Stopped.

fishy said...

until I read kmwthay's comment I didn't realize my a** was measured in "girth" even before the pants!

Gnomeself Be True said...

Even a fashion indifferent guy like me can see how horrible those onsies are.

I predict they'll be wildly popular by those trying to hide that little extra luggage.
JLo booty is so "last week."

Jenny said...

You need to be anorexic to look good in these things. They must have found an 80 lb model to use.

Bretthead said...

Barbara Eden makes these work, but I guess that was about thirty years ago.

I'll take the harem, but spare the pants. Heh heh.

Heather Cherry said...

Wow, Anthropolgie. I feel so disillusioned with you.


Kymical Reactions said...

Moi - I have a hot Collin pic for you over at my place.

moi said...

Fishy: Huh. Can an ass be measured for its girth? If so, color Moi scared.

Gnome: I resemble that JLo remark. Latin blood will bite you in the ass every time.

Boxer: Tannorexic is more like it. Whadya bet Rachel Zoe's going to be putting all of her clients in harem onesies for summer?

WTWA: So, your harem gals would be dressed in, what? North Face and Merrills?

Heather C.: Don't think I don't know Anthropologie is like a Free People for Grown Ups Who Refuse to Give up the Boho Ghost. But sometimes they just have the cutest ding dang sweaters - ducks.

kwmthay: The ONLY reason to celebrate St. Patty's Day - Colin Farrell exists on this planet!

Wicked Thistle said...

And yet, you have the shoes for them. Interesting.

fishy said...

I can never look at Colin without seeing a bullseve on his forehead and a demented look in his eyes. Was that from the first Spiderman?

moi said...

Wicked: Honey, I got shoes to go with a spacesuit. But I don't think I'll be flying to the moon anytime soon.

Fishy: Daredevil, I think. And, I think I remember not liking that movie at all. With the exception of The Colin. He can stay.

Bretthead said...

Yeah baby, now that is hot!!

Linzy with a Z said...

uggghh sick