Friday, February 5, 2010

Where's the Beef? Culinary Throw Down Wiener


I can’t believe we’re already one month and some pocket change into the New Year. 2010. Good Lord, what’s next . . . 2055? 3032? I’m just not ready for the way time is beginning to fly in my life. In fact, I’d like some of it back, please, maybe a big ol’ honkin’ chunk of my summer break childhood when I can remember the days stretching out before me, a shimmering highway of possibility in which time actually seemed to stand still enough that I could touch it.

Anyway. Know what time it is today? Time to declare the winner of another splendid Culinary Throw Down, this one hosted by Karl, who chose the theme beef and/or beans. And boy, did y’all step up to the stove (Buzz, Allison, and K9, we missed you!). In fact, I’m just itching with curiosity about the spaces in which we all craft our entries. Next Throw Down we should all post a photo of our kitchens as well.

But for now, let’s see how things shook out, shall we?

Aunty hit the ball right out of the park with her rib eye steaks with coffee and black pepper rub. But not just any steak. Grass fed steak. Aunty is nothing if not a steely eyed warrior (albeit in kitten heels) against food terror of all kinds, and if you visit her Web site with any regularity, you’ll see just why the words "corn fed beef" should have us all shaking in our space boots. This entry shot an arrow straight through my heart. With all due respect to my beloved vegetamarian friends, I just can’t quit beef. It’s in my blood and it's part of my heritage. And yes, Aunty, New Mexico is blessed with numerous boutique ranches that raised happily wandering herds gorging themselves on dozens of varieties of grasses. I’ve always wanted to try a coffee rub, but what I most want to know is: if I make this, will I be up all night?

Did y’all feel that? That slight grumbling of the ground beneath you? That sudden stillness of the wind, followed by a waft of ozone in the air? That’s what happened earlier this week when Boxer put down her video camera, picked up her oven mitts, and actually cooked. The universe. It stood still. But I’ve seen her kitchen. Her oven doesn’t work. So I don’t know who she had to charm to make her quite tasty-looking dinner (soy meatless meatloaf, vegetable compote, potato medallions), but you can for damn sure bet a bottle of vodka was involved.

Once upon a time, I dragged my behind over to Cake’s blog and said: “See this? This is the ass we are going for here. So I don’t want to hear another word from you about skipping out on our daily work out in favor of surfing the sofa with an entire bag of Mother’s Circus Animal Cookies, a jar of Marshmallow Fluff, and an entire bottle of Chardonnay.” Now I know why Cake’s ass looks like that. Ruf cooks her splendidly prepared vegetamarian goodies like these refried beans that are not only yummy, but totall free of animal fats of all kinds. Which in my universe? Do not Pass Go, do not Collect $200, but get applied directly to hips, ass, and thighs.

A couple posts back, Fishy wrote an entry about her attempts to find a new car that had the kind of “fizz” that she requires in a vehicle. I suspect that for a gal who makes her living creating beautiful and functional interiors, fizz is an important ingredient in just about everything she does. Including cooking. For this challenge, she made a lemon mint London broil salad with lightly steamed green beans, and my mouth just puckers with pleasure when I think of it. It’s simple, it’s colorful, it’s well balanced, and it just begs to be eaten outside on a sunny day on a veranda overlooking the Mediterranean while wearing white linen and big sunglasses. Which is what Fishy does best: prod us all to achieve as much fizz as possible from life.

I swear; I gained five pounds just LOOKING at Florida Cracker’s entry for this challenge. Steak with mushrooms, green beans, and salad? Gulp. So simple, yet so, so mouthwatering, I nearly braved the gazillion feet of snow that fell on Wednesday to head to the store to buy a steak and make this right then and there. Between her and Aunty, I dreamt steak that night. And did y’all see that mud pie? Seriously. Go back and look at it. And then go tell your arteries they can kiss your grits, life’s too short not to go ahead and once, just this once, indulge in a thing of beauty like that.

Thanks to Karl, somewhere in India, a computer technician is sitting down to a nice dinner of poppadom, tandoor chicken, and lassi. Late Tuesday, our intrepid host for this Throw Down encountered the Blue Screen of Death and didn’t know if he’d be able to post. Undaunted, he slid in under the wire with a beef and bean medley that sparked within me a sudden epiphany about global warming: What if the cause isn’t in fact fossil fuels, but beans? As for the dish itself, well there’s only one thing I can say about something that features strips of beef, beans, cheese, black olives, avocado, and salsa, and that’s: Ole!

This year in Oklahoma, the wind wasn’t the only thing that came sweeping down the plains. So did snow and ice in such quantities, the weather began to beg the question: what region does Oklahoma really belong in? The West or the Midwest? I sure hope the answer is the West, because if ever there were a true blue urban cowgirl, it’s our gal Kym. She hunts, she fishes, she knows her sports, and she can deftly navigate an ice-sheeted I-40 without putting herself or anyone else in danger. She can also cook like nobody’s business. This time? Baked beans and braised short ribs, the kind of dish that I bet tickled the olfactory senses of everyone in her neighborhood.

It’s super bowl week in Miami (Geaux, Saints!), so La Diva Cucina has been working her hiney off, but she still had time to post another of her monumentally mouth watering dishes: Stir-fried beef and crunchy noodle cake with triple happiness beans. Happiness being the operative word here. Because as I was reading through this dish, baby, it was cold outside, yet joy was warming its way through my bones like the sunshine that I haven’t seen since Jesus last walked the earth. Can it be said too many times that food is love? I think not. And La Diva, you spread it where ever you go. Mmmmmmmm-wah.

There’s a song by the B-52s called “Give Me Back My Man” that always reminds me of Troll whenever he comes a courtin’ Moi round about Throw Down time: “I’ll give you fish/I’ll give you candy/I’ll give you everything I have in my hand.” Which, unfortunately, didn't include a pair of Louboutins, size 8.5, candy apple red patent leather. With peep toe. Seriously, though, Troll doesn’t need to bribe me; he comes by his ego honestly. Man can cook. Each Throw Down, he doesn’t make just one dish, but an entire meal, thoughtfully planned out and complete with cocktail. This time it was a t-bone steak salad, followed by red beans and rice, baked onion rings (!!), three kinds of chocolate puddings, and vodka infused with my favorite running fuel – Sports Beans. Goodness. All of which means, I nearly gave the award to Troll, Louboutins or no.

Almost.

Instead, I had to go with my gut and my gut said: comfort food. Which to me was epitomized in Kymie's dish. What better way to cap off a snowy, sleety, icey, gale force windy day than with a hearty pot of smoky/sweet baked beans and wine-soaked, fall-off-the-bone short ribs, everything tinged with the tongue pleasing taste of bacon? So, congrats, missy! Come pluck yourself a copy of the Big Beefy Dude and display it proudly. AND, you get to choose next Throw Down date, theme, and perhaps judge.

Now, everybody, get in line; I’ve just rented us all a bus to Oklahoma.

60 comments:

Boxer said...

another great write up AND good pick for the winner. I know it ain't easy being the Judge. But we love you and your write ups, so thanks.

Yay! to Kymmie Doll. She truly did a great job; her pictures, the recipe, etc. Comfort food with a little kick of hooch. Love it.

I also can't wait to see what she picks for the next challenge.

TROLL Y2K said...

I predicted Kym would win so I'm a winner too! I think this is the second or third time the response to Kym's entry was " I WILL MAKE THIS" by most participants and bystanders.

Congrats Kymmie!

Great Job of Judging, Moi!

fishy said...

I am in the Oklahoma bus line,
still salivating for dinner at Kyms.
Kudos Kymical Girl!

Once again Moi, I agree with your winning dish and loved, loved, loved your review. LOL entertainment on a gloomy day. Maybe even more warming than all those global warming beans.

LaDivaCucina said...

Curiosity killed the cat but Diva has two minutes to slam a sandwhich and just HAD to see who won! Yay! Kym's dish looks so divine I just put short ribs on my list for dinner once the madness ends! Back to see ya'll later and drool some more! Byyyeeeee....

Congrats Kym and to all the entrants! See ya monday!

(I LOATHE football but wouldn't mind if the Saints won!!! Take a gander at Aussie rules, now that there's real man's sport! Players wear no pads, short shorts, have big strong legs....running...panting....cursing...sigh...)

Back to work..

Joanna Cake said...

Mmmmm... bacon and steak... mmmmm... Congrats to Kym!

Great write up, Moi! But, just so you know, he isnt here most of the time. Which is why Im about to cook bacon and beans! It really is walking and yoga that keeps the Cake behind in trim - oh, and only eating one biscuit with my cup of tea :)

Floridacracker said...

Super job!
And yes, it was all amazing, but I was just talking about her baked beans yesterday so I agree with your choice!
Thanks for judging!

Karl said...

Good afternoon Moi,

As much fun to read as it is to eat! Another fine write up your honor.

When you get a minute could you please stop by my place?

ongratulations Kym! Yours was a meal well worth flying for. If we've got to take the bus who's gonna be the designated driver?

Karl said...

There was suppose to be a "C" in front of that last part.

I can't tell you how much I love typing on a laptop. Arrrgh

Buzz Kill said...

OoooooOOk lahoma, where the wind comes sweepin down the plains!

Nice job Kym, I had it between you and Troll. The braised short ribs were awesome and that has to be some kinf of record for most pictures in an entry. Great write up as always Moi. And you always work in the Louboutin shoes (what ever they are).

I like the suggestion about pictures of kitchens. I'm always curious to see where and how other people cook. Maybe Kym can work that into the next theme. And maybe I can get my stuff together and participate. I don't like being a bystander.

PS - Don't forget to check under your bed for clowns tonight Kym. Just saying...

moi said...

Boxer: Potatoes? Bwahahahahaha!

Troll: Thank you for being such a gracious runner upper :o)

Fishy: I'm on to something with the beans warming the globe, I just know it. But don't tell Albert. He'll eat them all.

La Diva: It's Geaux Saints at Moi's house, all weekend long. I've already made an ice box pie as part of the celebration and now need to figure out the dinner. Although, ordering pizza is fine with me, too.

Cake: I love how you Brits call cookies biscuits. Here, the word means, well, biscuit :o).

Florida: I know, huh? I'll never make baked beans any other way again.

Karl: Moi. I'm an excellent driver and can't tolerate much more than a drink or two lately.

Buzz: We missed you! What's a Louboutin? Did you ask your wife? No? Here you go: www.christianlouboutin.com

Boxer said...

oh please, oh please, oh please pick potatoes, Kym.

Kymical Reactions said...

gasps! flutters hands. wipes tear from eye. pageant waves. adjusts crown on head. walks to microphone...

oh my goodness! I'm so honored to be recognized amongst such skillful culinary visionaries! I'd like to thank Troll, for starting up this delightful culinary challenge throw down. I'd like to thank Karl, for choosing delicious theme of beef and beans. I'd like to thank Moi, for her wonderful judging recaps, and for carefully deciding whose entry was worthy of the blogger award. I'd like to thank the other participants and readers who make this little challenge so entertaining.

I graciously accept this award, and believe that we as US Americans should help the countries like Iraq and South Africa so we will know how to read maps. I would also like to warn to beware the ides of March, as that shall be the day of the next Culinary Throw Down Challenge, where the ingredient shall be pepperoni. (I’m trying to branch out from potatoes. Sorry Boxerdoll.)

Please don’t laugh if I trip on my gown as I walk away.

Kymical Reactions said...

I forgot to say to show us your kitchens. And, I don't mind doing the judging if you want to take a break. You do such a good job though, and I'm not sure I could live up to your judging standard! :) lemme know! xo.

Pam said...

Ides of March? That sure is a long way away. Do you think she means Ides of February?

Congrats to my girl, that was truly a mouth watering the likes of which she has never cooked for her mother. Or vice versa for that matter. Here's what I would have expected she'd pick for an ingredient. One of the following: scrambled eggs; brussel sprouts (now that is a story); or crab legs.

Pam said...

By the way, let us know when to meet the bus!

Aunty Belle said...

Kudos to Kymical!! ( Hilarious acceptance speech, Adopted Chile'!)

Amusin' write up, Moi. A trat to read.

Now...I need a aisle seat, a footrest an' a lumbar pillow fer mah bus ride to Kymmies' Kitchen.

Kymical Reactions said...

uhhhh... yeah. So, I have to make a correction already. I have just been informed that I have no idea just exactly "ides of March" means. So, that won't do. Let's say, Ides of March minus 10 days. That is what I really meant. :P

Is that clear as mud?? I choose March 5.

Boxer said...

bwahahahahahahaha, Kym's acceptance speech is the BEST. May she win everytime. And now that you have a super cool award yourself,

will you judge the next Throw Down?

Ides of March? Kitchen shots?

I'm worried.

fishy said...

Moi
You are brilliant!
If we force feed Albert all the beans we might achieve sufficient lift off to eject this pest from the planet!!!

Kym,
OMG! How will we ever have time to decorate our Kitchens with pepperoni before March 5th?

moi said...

Kym: Best acceptance speech ever! You go with your bad ass self. March 5th is a Friday. Do you perhaps want to make it that Wednesday instead? That way whomever judges (I'm happy to continue but if you want to take over the reigns for this event, go for it!) has time to do the write up before the weekend. Just a thought :o)

Pam: Do I hear a bit of a motherly pout in your comment? One day, we need to hear the Brussels sprouts story . . .

Boxer: Kitchen shots. You do know, right, that means PHOTOS of our kitchens, not shots of vodka?

Fishy: And he can take that music censoring wife with him, too.

Joanna Cake said...

Pepperoni....? Euwwegughg!

I shall see if there is a suitable vegan alternative...

Boxer said...

my kitchen is vodka, Moi.

bwahahaha.

Maybe I'll have shots of new WORKING stove????

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LaDivaCucina said...

Moi, if I was you, I'd be makin' my man some jumbalaya or some gumbo for a celebratory dinner tonight! How exciting was the last quarter?! And I don't even like football. Madness all over Miami! (but glad it's over now, going to pool soon! whew!)

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2. Regular brick-n-mortar casinos normally ploy subtle methods to divert your attention from the game. They employ pretty hostesses and sweet-talking managers who are forever trying to entice you to buy a drink, or whatever. Now when you drink above the average, you lose focus on the game and make mistakes. This is precisely what the brick-n-mortar casinos want you to do is spend your money buying chips, then spend it on drinks and food, and then lose both your concentration and money! Online casinos cannot play such tricks as you play on these from home and, therefore, there is nothing to distract you or divert your attention from the game.

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Another important subject I must briefly refer to is "catch-up" staking. If you find that you need to employ this tactic regularly, it means three things: (1) your Selection System sucks, (2) you haven't got a clue about what constitutes a proper Staking Plan, and (3) you have turned your chances of regularly and quickly losing your Base Bank to a 100% certainty!

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If you are employing neither of those two elements, then the risk you run of eventually losing your entire Base Bank is 99.99%. On the other hand, employing only a good Selection System would not only reduce your risk closer to just 10% maximum, you would also have up to a 10% chance of making money. This would mean that the Bookies would suddenly be faced with a 10% possibility of losing to you long-term, rather than a 99.99% certainty of taking your money from you. Throw in a proper Staking Plan on top of that, and you will have increased your chances of winning to as high as 20%.

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