Snow Day

What does a heavy snow mean to those of us who work at home? Absolutely nothing . . .

Except it usually ends up making us feel lazy and dreary and uninspired. I don't feel like doing any work whatsoever today. What I want to do instead is watch crap television and eat Cheetos. But not the hard, crunchy kind. The soft, puffy kind that bursts so satisfyingly against the roof of the mouth and coats the lips with that delightful orange haze like a chemical stain that takes days to wash off.

Yeah. I'm really craving some Cheetos.

So, eat Cheetos while you work, you may be thinking.

Believe me, I've tried. Can't be done.

Try it. Put a bag of Cheetos next to you at the computer. Take one out and put it in your mouth. Now, look at your fingers. No way you're going to type with that Cheeto residue clinging to them, right? So, you're either going to have to lick your fingers, which only temporarily takes care of the problem because do that a few more times and all you're doing is re-applying said residue, OR you're going to have to use a napkin. Which is not as easy as it sounds because it takes two hands to use a napkin and that means you have to stop typing entirely.

See how unproductive all this is? Pluck Cheeto from bag, shove in mouth, pause from work, wipe hands, and begin the process all over again. You're eating a heck of a lot of Cheetos but you're producing squat.

Today's lesson? It's just not possible to eat Cheetos and work at the same time. Especially if it's snowing outside.