Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Meme Moi

Everybody's doing this meme (Troll started it?). I may as well, too.

* * *

Been arrested? Yes, but it wasn't for a fashion felony. I swear.

Kissed someone you didn’t like? Yes.

Slept in until 5 PM? No. I mean, who DOES that other than the terminally ill or rock stars?

Ran a red light? Yes. It was to escape a stalker, though. Oh, and today, after spending three bazillion hours at the mall school shopping with my niece. All y'all with kids? WTF is up with the "teenage hooker" look? I needs me some major Chanel therapy to get over all that Wet Seal and Charlotte Russe.

Been suspended from school? No.

Totaled your car in an accident? No. I'm an excellent driver. Seriously. Never even a near miss.

Been fired from a job? No.

Fired somebody? Yes.

Sang karaoke? Absolutely not. Want to make me squirm? Make me sing.

Pointed a gun at someone? In reality, no. In my head? What, are you kidding me?

Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Yes. Like wear those shoes with that jacket. Oh, that and voting.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes. Tastes like chicken.

Kissed in the rain? Actually, no. I live in the desert, so not much opportunity for that.

Had a close brush with death (your own)? No.

Seen someone die? No.

Played spin-the-bottle? Yes.

Smoked a cigar? Yes. Love them.

Sat on a rooftop? Yes.

Smuggled something into another country? No. From an early age, my father instilled in us a healthy fear of fern police forces.

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No. I avoid situations that put my shoes in mortal danger.

Broken a bone? No.

Skipped school? Yes.

Eaten a bug? Yes. DOES NOT taste like chicken. Yew.

Sleepwalked? No. But I talk in my sleep a lot. Very embarrassing.

Walked a moonlit beach? Yes. On three different continents, no less.

Rode a motorcycle? Yes. Howevah. No Harley's por Moi, por favor. I prefer me some old school British bikes – Triumph or BSA.

Oh, so prettttttyyyyy . . .

Dumped someone? Sadly, yes.

Lied to avoid a ticket? Actually, no. But I've always managed to escape them.

Ridden in a helicopter? Yes and it was a most terrifying experience.

Shaved your head? Yes. Sheena was a punk rocker.

Made your boyfriend/girlfriend cry? No.

Eaten snake? Yes. Tastes like . . . uh, snake?

Marched/Protested? You betcha.

Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? No. I did try to cook them, though.

Puked on amusement ride? No. But, afterward.

Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? All the time.

Been in a band? Yes – drummer. No singing required, I might add.

Been on TV? Yes.

Shot a gun? What are you kidding me? Of course.

Skinny-dipped? Yes.

Ridden a surfboard? Does a wind surfer count?

Drank straight from a liquor bottle? Yes. Sometimes, it's just quicker that way.

Had surgery? Does wisdom teeth removal count? Other than that, no.

Streaked? No. Look, Party People, bouncing around buck ass nekkid is not really a good look on ANYONE, 'kay?

Taken by ambulance to hospital? No.

Passed out when not drinking? No.

Peed on a bush? Well, that would be a trick, wouldn't it. But, no.

Donated Blood? Yes.

Grabbed electric fence? NO!!!!

Eaten alligator meat? Heck yes. Talk about your useful animal – when you're done eating it, the skin makes a mighty fine set of matching shoes and handbag.

Killed an animal when not hunting? Yes. I ran over some baby ducks that were following their mother across a very busy street. I was rounding a corner and didn't see them. Unfortunately, because there was no shoulder and traffic was heavy, I couldn't stop. The car behind me picked off the ones I didn't get. It was terrible. I was so traumatized, I called into work and went home and drank half a bottle of tequila.

Peed your pants in public? Oh come on. NO!

Snuck into a movie without paying? No. The one thing I hate worse than a politician is a thief . . . Wait a minute . . .

Written graffiti? No. One thing I hate more than a thief is a litterbug.

Still love someone you shouldn’t? Yes. Who doesn't?

Been in handcuffs? Yes. Snicker.

Believe in love? Yes. It makes the world go around. I truly believe that and not in a hippie dippy patchouli and incense and flowy skirts kind of way, either.

Sleep on a certain side of the bed? Yes. Even when S.B. travels or I travel, I stick strictly to the right side of the bed and do not wander.


Kymical Reactions said...

my goodness, I am really sad about the ducks. I think I need tequila just reading that. :(
Cigars? Really?

Buzz Kill said...

So you hate litterbugs more than thieves and thieves more than a politician. Therfore, you hate litterbugs more than politicians but you like politicians more than thieves and politicians more than litterbugs. My brain hurts.

moi said...

kmwthay: Oh yes. A good Dominican or Cuban cigar with some alkeehol? Nothing like it. Once a year or so. Just for fun.

Buzz: Sorry. Go lie down for a sec. It'll go away until the next post.

Gnomeself Be True said...

Wow...I don't find any of your answers surprising.
I guess I've been paying attention all this time.

Jenny said...

See, I love the extra commentary to the answers and this made me spit out my mornning smoothie:

"Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No. I avoid situations that put my shoes in mortal danger."

Because I know you are being 100% honest. Bwahahahahahahah. All great answers and I learned a bit more of the "Me" behind "Moi" and that's a nice way to start the day.

h said...

I didn't create the Meme. Not sure about Streaking but I'm absolutely convinced that people who frequent Nudist Resorts tend to be THE LAST PEOPLE ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH I WOULD WANT TO SEE BOUNCING AROUND NEKKID!

Big Shamu said...

Thank goodness we won't be visiting karoke bars when the Secret Society of the Pine Nutters comes to town. Unless we feel the need to shoot a karoke machine. I'd be up for that.
The bug, are we talking the worm in the tequila?

moi said...

Gnome: Either that or, le sigh, the thrill is gone.

Boxer: You know it, babe. I once got caught out in a freak rainstorm in a pair of suede plum purple Pliner peep toe pumps. Did you know the loss of precious footwear is not considered a bonafide tax deduction? Stooopid IRS.

Troll: See, you and I WERE separated at birth on certain issues.

Shamu: Thank goodness, most of the Karaoke bars in town have shut themselves down. Howevah, if any have escaped and in lieu of me having been awarded a conceal carry permit by then, we could always throw pine nuts on the stage floor. That'll learn 'em.

Gnomeself Be True said...

Either way, I'm frightened. :-)

Pam said...

Mine answers are finally up, so stop on by. Re the motorcycles -- you share my husband's thoughts re Harleys vs. cool British bikes.

chickory said...

im sorry i cannot comment im laying on the right side of the bed with a tequila bottle crying. fuzzy things with wings got killed? im done.

i have sang..sung... karaoke and been shocked on an electric fence. the two go together perfectly

moi said...

Gnome: Aw, I'll come up with something shocking and obnoxious tomorrow, I swear.

Pam: I have a thing for all manner of British motor vehicles. Don't ask me why, I don't know. But there you have it.

Chicory: I know. I'm so, so sorry. I had to have a few shots of tequila just to write that. (Next blog summit: you can make sure my electric fence is working and then SING "Right, Said Fred"!)

Heff said...

Damn. That Meme got around like a ten dollar hooker.

Doris Rose said...

Another window flung wide on the Maison de Moi. And there were a few things that surprised.

fishy said...

made me laugh out loud! Er, I did not do the entire poll but I did respond to two of the questions. Answers are posted at the Pond.