Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Love Hurts

Sometimes, it's also downright embarrassing. Especially when it comes to music. You know, those songs that every tenet of good taste begs you to eschew but that nonetheless manage to stick in your head like a fist full of spaghetti after it dries on the wall. Songs that make you break out into spontaneous, against-your-will sing-a-longs just as traffic comes to a complete standstill during rush hour and you've left all the windows open.

The ones you furtively stash in your iPod because who else besides you is going to know they're there? Well, you and the BofA account executive that sends you your eBill every week, but Suresh lives in Mumbai and most likely hasn't gotten around to Lady Ga Ga's latest yet. The songs you try, try, try to kick to the curb but they keep getting right back up like sister christian and her eye of the tiger to hit you with their best shot because everybody was kung-fu fighting.

So, tell Moi: what are the Top 10 Songs You Know You Shouldn't Love? If you show me yours, I'll show you mine, and we can all hate ourselves in the morning.

1. Even Better Than the Real Thing – U2. I can't abide U2 for very long. It's Bono's fault, I readily admit; he's just so insufferably earnest. Still, on this song, the Edge's sibilant guitarwork is like waves breaking one after the other on a sunlit, white sanded beach. Sparkling, hypnotic, and impossible to ignore.

2. Beautiful - Christina Aguilera. Yeah, yeah, the tuned-to-eleven, poor-poor-pitiful-me wince factor outdoes even that of Janis Ian's "Seventeen," but the vocals are scary good.

3. Zombie - The Cranberries. If Boudicca decided to raise herself from wherever she's been spending these past, what, one thousand years, she'd probably want to inhabit Dolores O'Riordan's body.

4. Poker Face – Lady Ga Ga. Girl's a hot ass mess just begging for some Paglia-esque psychoanalysis, but I dare you to try to mum mum mum mah this song out of your head.

5. Mmmbop – Hanson. Speaking of mmmmm . . . come on, you know you like it, too.

6. I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That) – Meatloaf. Everything a woman needs to know about a man's approach to relationships in a near 15 minute opus for which rock opera status is just a chorus line out of reach.

7. I Used to Love Her (But I Had to Kill Her) – Guns N' Roses. Is it funny or is it misogynist? I vote funny because, come on ladies, admit it: sometimes we all just need a good bullet to the head.

8. La Vida Loca - Ricky Martin. So, sue me.

9. If I Could Turn Back Time - Cher. I have been quietly waving my freak flag for Cher ever since "Half Breed." I even forgive her all those Bob Whacky outfits.

10. Once Bitten Twice Shy – Great White. Everything that was sooooooo wrong and yet soooooooo right with early '90s hair band music. Plus, it was written by the great Ian Hunter, so there.


pam said...

I'll take this challenge and throw a few back at you. Maybe can't think of 10 off the top of my head, but how about ...

1. It's Not Unusual by Tom Jones. My mom wore purple hot pants to his concert in the 60's. That is enough info to know that I should abhor all things Tom Jones but I dare anyone not to love this song.

2. Mambo No. 5 -- I need a little bit of this song in my life! It was the song of the summer a few years back and makes me feel good. Even if the guy singing is a cad.

3. Tubthumping by Chumbawumba. Another song of the summer from years past. How can you not love a song with the refrain -- Pissing the Night Away -- ??

4. Oops I Did it Again by Britney. This came up on my little slot radio thingie that I bought recently and I was overjoyed!!!

5. Strokin' by Clarence Carter. O.M.G. How many miles did I dance to this song at Sherlock's in the 80's? Absolutely nothing politically correct about this song.

6. Rock of Ages by Def Leppard. My first and favorite song by them to this day.

7. Daydream Believer by The Monkees. It makes me happy. What can I say?

And I'll go with you on Lady Gaga and Hanson. And Cher.

h said...

Wowey Moiey! This one's tougher than the last. I've only heard 6 of yours. They were good/bad.

Big Shamu said...

Snort, Cher.

h said...

1) Voodoo Chile: Jimi Hendrix. Not his best work. Used to annoy people by playing the easy parts over-and-over.

2) Smoke On The Water: See answer one.

3) Werewolves of London: Stupid song but introduced me to the Z-man who wrote many better ones. Howoooooooooooooooooooo.

4)Shameless: Garth Brooks. Actually I'm ashamed of most of the Garth Brooks tunes I catch myself singing.

5) Heart-Of-Glass: Blondie. I like Blondie a lot. Even the bad ones like Heart-of-Glass. Plus she snuck in the word "ass" on a radio hit. That impressed me back then.

6) Friends Theme Song: Don't know the Artist or the real name of the song. My wife liked it and that show. Is it "I'll be There For You"?

7) I Ran: Flock of Seagulls. I've been known to point at innocent people and sing "Aurora Borealis shines on You-U-U. Aurora shines on You-U-U.

8) Life in a Northern Town: No idea who performs it. I like the wierd chorus and it's the theme of my fave King-of-the-Hill episode. The one featuring Buckley's Ghost.

9) Karma Kamelleon: Boy George. I HEARD it before I SAW what Boy George looked like. If that counts as an excuse.

10) Little Drummer Boy: Jars of Clay. I doubt if any of y'all have heard it but it's pretty sappy.

Kymical Reactions said...

I had music on the brain too. Come back over.

Oh Boy. This is going to be very revealing! Plus I'm in an 80's/90's mood at the moment, so I'll stick to those eras.

1. Sex and Candy - Marcy Playground.

2. She Blinded Me with Science - Thomas Dolby.

3. Shout - Tears for Fears.

4. Wake Me Up Before You Go Go - Wham.

5. Don't You Want Me? - Human League.

6. Free Your Mind - En Vogue.

7. I Can See Clearly Now - Johnny Nash.

8. Hold On - Wilson Phillips.

9. Pepper - The Butthole Surfers

10. Pony - Ginuwine.

Oh - and anything Depeche Mode.

Jenny said...

Just about everything on my "Jump Rope" mix:

1. Walking on Sunshine (Katrina and the Waves)
2. Footloose (Kenny Loggins)
3. Like a Prayer (Madonna)
4. What Me Up Before You Go Go (Wham)
5. All music by the Go-Go's
6. Daydream Believer (Pam!!!)
7. Material Girl (Madonna)
8. We Built this City (Starship)
9. I'm Still Standing (Elton John)
10. mmmm Bop - I so agree with you!

and you know what? I think I've found a few NEW songs for my Jump Rope mix here today, so BONUS!

moi said...

Pam: Oh, God. Thubthumping. An ear worm of a song if ever there was one. I have a sneaking love for Oops as well.

Shamu: Ah-hem.

Troll: I've been known to point at innocent people and sing "Aurora Borealis shines on You-U-U. Aurora shines on You-U-U.: Oh no, I think I just busted more ab muscles! And the Friends theme song is indeed an all time craptastic choice. Great job.

Kym: MOST excellent list! Double kudos for narrowing the time frame.

Boxer: Ooooooo, "We Built this City." Totally forgot how terrible awesome that one is.

chickory said...

oh please! my ipods full of them:

"you dropped a bomb on me" by the gap band. get your funky ass DOWN MF'er! if you cant move to this, i pity you. pit. tay.

"im so paid" by AKON. this rap rolllls right off me i even got the weird african inflections goin on. i would do this on karaoke if #3 werent my standard....

"roxanne" by the police. i like to sing it the way eddie murphy does in the movie 48 hours. its a real crowd pleaser. (hey wait, friends. where ya goin? dont crawl outta the club on your bellies...grrrrrrhehehehehahahehrherherahaha)

"fergalicious" by fergie. can you sing it? i can. and i am ashamed. T to the A to the S-T-Y, girl you TASTY"

"toxic" by britney spears. i love it and i cant help it. its good -real good with the ultra pink mix on a great sound system. being intoxicated helps.

"too little too late" by jojo. the biggest wad of bubble gum youll ever chew. its sweet and delicious.

on the sappy front:

"we belong together" by mariah carey. *sniff*

"rock with you" by michael "i dont hate him" jackson. so smooth

"nothing compares 2 U" sinead o connor. God help me.

i could do this all day....mercifully for your readers, i will not.

Heff said...

Oh My GOD I hate that Great White song !!!

To make this easy on myself, THE ENTIRE CYNDI LAUPER "She's So Unusual" album !!

Please excuse me. I have to go rub one out now....

moi said...

Chickory: I would argue that You Dropped a Bomb on Me is SPECtacular, as is Nothing Compares 2 U, the only cover of a Prince song I think surpasses the original. Sinead's voice is angelic never mind that the girl herself is bedeviled. But hell yes to Toxic and Fergalicious – the beat that they're bangin' is delicious.

moi said...

Heff: You're excused. But, remember, you never know what you've got until it's gone. It's 18 to life, you know.

Jenny said...

Thought of another one:

My Hump by Black Eye Peas

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

my only guilty pleasure is Madonna. Everything else on my iPood I love, embrace, and promote.

Madge, however, is another story. See, when I was a yoot, Madge was only cool if you were a teenybopper, and I was not. No. I was Punk Rock.

To this day I have harbored a certain amount of embarrassment for enjoying - nay, singing along to - Madonna, due to my teenage image issues.

I'm so ashamed.

also, heff, thanks for that image...NOT!

moi said...

Pirate: Sheena was a punk rocker, too. But I also have an unabashed love for The Madonna. Yes, it's true. I will also go on record as saying that Express Yourself is one of the all time greatest female empowerment songs. Ev-ah. And a tres, tres cool video, to boot.

Pam said...

Now I am going to have to go around singing Flock of Seagulls (and will admit to having seen them in concert ... albeit on the retro tour when head guy had lost all his glorious hair) ... and will start practicing pointing at people and doing the aurora borealis line... Troll is too much! grrrhhahahah

h said...


It's the kind of song, that, like auburn hair andtawny eyes, will:

Hynotize you through-U-U. Hypnotize you through-U-U.


WTH is this "IPod" thing you're all talking about?

I'm unashamed to like a couple of Kmw's songs.

Chickory's choices are just too freaky to comment upon.

If Boxer scores the Secretariat Video with "We Built This City" my head will explode.

Kymical Reactions said...

adding another, because it just came up on my Yahoo Launch Cast -
Cherry Poppin Daddies - Zoot Suit Riot. I'll just throw back a bottle of beer.

Kymical Reactions said...

Trolly: Which?

Gnomeself Be True said...

Hey, I love "Zombie."

"Live in a Norther Town," was the Dream Academy...I've got that CD.

chickory said...

troll! you remind me

shes a super freak, super freak! shes super feeek kay.

*rick james*

Jenny said...

Troll don't worry, I'm saving "I had the time of life" for that...


moi said...

Pam: And I ran, I ran so far away.

Troll: Someone always playing corporation games. Who cares they're always changing corporation names.

Kym: And then pull a comb through your coal black hair.

Gnome: In winter 1963 it felt like the world would freeze with John F. Kennedy and the Beatles.

Chickory: The kind of girl you read about
in new-wave magazines.

Boxer: Aw, that's so sappy even I can't bear to jot down the lyrics!

pam said...

(still singing FoS ...) I couldn't get away .... If I had a photograph of you ... oh wait, I think I'm mixing my FoS songs now!

You Dropped a Bomb is da'bomb. Love LOVE that song. Definitely some good songs mentioned here today. I need to go download too!

Milk River Madman said...

Wow, this will take some thinking but three that come immediately to mind are some catchy tunes from the late 80's, early 90's.

Cant' touch this - MC Hammer
Bust a move - Young MC
Boombastic - Shaggy

From way back

Puttin on the Ritz - Taco

Abracadabra - Steve Miller

I listen to XM a lot and they have the "Jukebox of Cheese" when the Osmonds sing "One bad apple" or "Just like a yoyo", you're damn straigt I'm singing with them.

chickory said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
chickory said...

rock the boat~

h said...

Pardon me boy, is that the Chattanooga Choo-Choo?

czar said...

Virtually every top-10 hit written by Neil Diamond, whether performed by him or the Monkees.

moi said...

Y'all are having way too much fun . . . :o)

Jenny said...

ahhhhh, MC Hammer. Now that gets my happy feet going.......

Kymical Reactions said...

They just keep coming. Ram Jam Black Betty.

Drinky Crow said...

Too Drunk To Fuck: Dead Kennedys.

Drinking Bout my Baby: The Damned.

Bars, Booze and Blondes: Paycheck.

Bad Bad Whiskey: Tom Davis.

Rythym and Booze: Buck Owens.

Alcohol: The Kinks.

Barroom Hero: Ken Casey

The Power of Positive Drinking: Lou Reed

Why Don't we Get Drunk and Screw?:
Marvin Gardens.

Aunty Belle said...

whas' an ipod?