Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Hip to Be Square

Each year round about this time, my young gal's fancy suddenly turns from flirty skirts and strappy sandals and beachy hair to starry-eyed musings about . . . yes . . . FALL. Never mind that the temperatures are hovering in the high nineties and my cooler runs 24/7 and I can barely stand shoes on my feet, much less clothing on my body. Never mind that BCBG, Banana Republic, and J Crew have begun their strategic assault upon my in box with daily promises of 70 percent off and free shipping and everything but a passel of pit bull puppies and Johnny Depp to hand deliver them.

Non.

At this point in the year, my wallet has become Fort Knox and I the $15-an-hour Rent-A-Cop assigned to prevent its breach.

That's because I know that come end of August, the stores are going to be brimming with an entirely new season's crop of cozy knits and suedey boots and tailored pants and woolen caps and unless I want to spend all of October de-pilling last year's sweaters, I must start saving my . . .

. . . wait a minute.

What's this?

Crap.

I knew it, just knew it.

I knew there would eventually come a time when, in response to 1982 calling yet again to ask for its shoulder pads back, designers everywhere would simply decide to hang up the phone.






If ever in your life you've wondered whether your wardrobe simply would NOT be complete without a Pepto Bismol-colored, shipping crate-sized "cocoon coat" in which to drown your fashion challenged sorrows? Well, wonder no more:

17 comments:

Big Shamu said...

Thank goodness the wedding already happened and my needs for fancy duds is back on DefCon 5.

pamokc said...

Say it isn't so! #1 would be cute if not for shoulder pads or bubble skirt (if that is what it is called). And I thought I saw that pink coat on Prince once back in the day.

P.S. I thought that Photo #2 was Alice Cooper. Seriously.

Wendy said...

J. Crew gives 70 percent off? Can I get another one of those flowy knit skirts? Our Fall doesn't start until December.

NYD said...

I'm glad I'm a guy. A straight guy. As long as I keep myself looking clean I'm ahead of the game.

Aunty Belle said...

gah!

kmwthay said...

I just threw up in my mouth a little. You could block the entire Dallas Cowboys offensive line with shoulder pads like that. BUH!

Boxer said...

Dang it, how'd I miss a Fashion Post???

I have a deep love for new clothes and August.. I think it goes back to the "back to school" daze and the great feeling of buying a new personality. But this year? Yeah, it ain't working for me and it's no surprise that when I needed something to wear this past weekend, I reached deep into my closet and pulled out something,

classic.

moi said...

Shamu: Threat Level: Blue. Or is that, Whew?

Pam: Photo #1 would be cute if it didn't exist :o).

Wendy: December? That's cruel. Although I loves me a year round bit o' sunshine, I actually prefer fall/winter dressing. Illogical, I know.

NYD: Add to that: "and don't wear mandals . . . " and you're good to go!

Aunty: Ja!

kmwthay: Bwahahahahaha!

Boxer: Yup. When all else fails, go with a little black shift and some bling around the neck.

Doris Rose said...

Hysterical. For the wonderful world of Devout Fashionistas this must be truly one of those Palinesque WTF moments.

Gnomeself Be True said...

Ok,I finally realized the potential power of fashion.
For the first time, the clothes are so bad that I don't even want to know what they look like naked!
Is that second one a female?

moi said...

Doris Rose: I can see those shoulder pads from my house!

Gnome: Good god, man. Quick! Look away!

Boxer said...

Gnomey - I think it's Adam Lambert's sister?

K9 said...

suddenly the Goodwill has a ton of in vogue jackets.

well, my wallet has been fort knox as well until i went by the apple store and stopped into anthopologie. uh oh. i bought: a little hen kitchen timer, some embroidered kitchen towels i plan to use as curtains and some candles that smell like angel food cake, the book boxer recommended animal vegetable mineral by barbara kingslover and some oven mitts and some pretty measuring spoons.

ive been on a baking binge so...it all makes sense. not economic sense, but kitchen sense. trying my damndest to turn the cabin into a farmhouse. grrherha

Big Shamu said...

Anthropologie and the Apple store? Ahhhh, makes Shamu happy.

AL (the inventor's wife) GORE said...

Tipper invented hip pads.

EmmaK said...

this new trend.. it's all a plot by the drug lords...its easy to store drugs in the shoulder pads and thus avoiding a strip search or exploding condoms of cocaine

moi said...

Boxer: Or brother?

K9: Oooooo, Anthropologie! Definitely a hurt so good store. I LOVE their tea towels, bed spreads, and morning robes.

Shamu: Both are located within a few steps of each other in Moi's city, too. What's THAT about, I wonder?

Al: Bless her heart.

Emma: Oh, Lord. Cocaine is so 1988.