Tuesday, May 8, 2007
The United States of Am-Mexi-Can?
It could happen. Just check this out. And this. And finally, this.
Now, I'm not sure what the socio-political-economic implications would be of such a union of our three countries into one (Bill?), but based on this glib bit of verbage:
The SPP recognizes that our three great nations are bound by a shared belief in freedom, economic opportunity, and strong democratic institutions.
It kinda smells like teen spirit to me. I mean, really? That statement's so whitewashed it makes Strom Thurmond look like the poster boy for National Drag Queen Day.
Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against Canadians. In fact, I recently discovered that a gal for whom I have the utmost professional respect and personal liking is, despite all evidence to the contrary, most thoroughly Canadian. And I got over it.
Likewise, I have nothing against our brethren to the south. Hell, I could even be Mexican for all we know. Because every time I visit a foreign country, complete strangers regularly launch into a steady barrage of such giddy, hola seniorita, que tals? that I finally have to open my mouth and speak English to dissipate their enthusiasm. So, no problems there.
Finally, do we need even more fair trade between the three countries? Hundreds of thousands of college students still make the pilgrimage to Mexico each springtime, purchasing along the way enough buckets of Coronitas, hookers, and cheap motel rooms to keep Napoleon's army, were it still to exist, more than satisfied. That's mucho, mucho dinero right there, people. And have you been to Scottsdale/Phoenix/Vegas/Santa Fe/Sedona in the winter months lately? Eh?
No, my objection to a union of this sort is more along these lines:
1. We already have a Cowboy ethic in Congress. Do we really need to add to the mix Banditos and Mounties? Who will be in charge? The guys with the biggest guns or the purdiest outfits?
2. Socialized medicine. Based on what friends and relatives living with it tell me, you can DIE just waiting in line for cold medicine. My cousin, she may have breast cancer but NO ONE in Germany can examine her yet and give her an accurate diagnosis because she still hasn't filled out the paperwork correctly. Eight months and counting . . .
3. Canadians export beer. Mexicans tequila. A fine combination, yes, but what happens when those exports meet in the middle in Kansas City? Does that mean the Midwest suddenly becomes Party Central? Uh, that can't be good. Can it? I just don't know if I'm ready for Iowa to become the new South Beach.