Saturday, April 17, 2010
I Could Live Here! Uh, Nix That
Hola, beeches! It is I, Juan Carlos Miguel Jose Garcia Mendoza.
Eye carumba, joo are saying to jorselves right now, that eees one hell of a beeg Palmetto bug!
But I am here to tell you now, that no. I am not a what you call Palmetto bug. I am La Cucaracha, and don't you forget eet, beeches. I am the biggest, baddest moh'fuhker of a bug in the entire universe and am so bad that right now I have just crossed zee line of hospitality with Mees Moi by running across her hotel room floor, making her jump onto zee bed faster than joo could get her to run to a feefty percent off sale at Gucci.
Eye! I say to her, so what? Am I not also a creature of God?
NO! She say to me, NO! And she run hell bent for zee leather downstairs to the desk clerk who must to come up here right now and dispose of me. Or she will 'ave to move.
And I laugh at that, hee, hee. Because where is she going to go in this entire goddamned city where there isn't a leetle tentacled brother or uncle or seester-in-law or cousin twice removed on mi madre's side that isn't going to greet her at the door? Hola! We always say, waving our tentacles.
And desk clerk? He jus' smiles hees island smile at her and nods, 'kay, 'kay crazy white lady, I come up and get reed of heem. You go walk on the beech and calm your nerves.
But I know better. I am as he speaks getting ready to do the Samba in the suitcase of the Swedish family who jus' check in next door. I think they bring candy, too.
So, buenos noches, beeches! See joo later!
Signed: Juan Carlos, the biggest mofo-ing cockroach that exeests in the universe.