Monday, August 27, 2007

This is Not My Idea of a Good Time

What in the feckin' hell was Vogue editor, Anna Wintour, thinking? The only way I'm going to get this puppy on a plane is to book a separate seat for it.

Coming in at a whopping 1-3/4 inches and a bazillion and one pages – the vast majority of which feature ads for clothing that 99.975 percent of the global population cannot afford – the September issue of the world's most popular fashion magazine is a daunting and downright grim tome, indeed.

Now, no one loves fashion more than I do. But that's because it's supposed to be fun (unless you show up to a funeral in flip flops, in which case you should be beat silly about the head with an Hermes scarf) . Yet to take it THIS seriously that you have to create what amounts to a virtual King James Bible out of a few ads for some Tod's sweaters and an article on making friends with brooches (I shit you not, but that's Plum Sykes for ya – that airhead I want to beat about her entire body with a sledgehammer).

I won't bother to comment further because the witty folks over at have performed a brilliant, nearly page-by-page deconstruction of the entire mess. I will only reiterate just a couple observations:

1. The Groucho Marx Eyebrow trend for fall sucks the big one;


2. Enough already with Sienna Miller. I'm sure she is a very nice person, but fashion icon? Puleeze.

No one should be caught dead out in public in this outfit. I mean that. If your HOUSE were burning down and this was what you were wearing and you couldn't put on a robe or coat to hide it, you should just give up on life and burn, baby burn.


the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

OMG! Is that Sienna Miller's Coochie I see? I mean her ladyparts? I mean...I'm having a Britney Spears flashback. Oh I feel dizzy now.

I need to sit down.

on the plus side, think of all the valuable resources that Vogue are using up by printing their Giant Useless Catalogue of a magazine, especially since it's on coated high gloss paper with full colour inks. We should say Thanks to Vogue for showing us what we should be doing with our useless trees and unpolluted groundwater.

Thanks, Anna.

Wicked Thistle said...

First off, that girl's hoochie is showing. Or coochie. Or va-jay-jay.

Secondly,and this is a demonstration of my perverse need to endlessly expose my faux pas, I *did* wear flip flops to a funeral. Just last week, as a matter of fact. I was wearing them pre-funeral, as my funeral shoes were peenching my feet, and, well, I forgot to take them off. There we were in the family room, about two minutes from liftoff (so to speak), when I suddenly realized that I was still making those a'flippin' and a'floppin' noises. Fortunately I made it out to the car and back in time, this time wearing my fancy and funeral-appropriate sandals.

I later asked my sister why she hadn't said anything about my flip flops and she said, "Oh, I thought it was just one of those New Mexico things."

And thirdly, what *is* the plural of faux pas??

Stepherz said...

Those eyebrows are scary. BUt if they wanted to try something new that was probably going to fail miserably, Sienna's the one to try it on.

When she called Pittsburgh "Shitsburg", she lost me. Even if it were true, you don't go to a country where the majority of your fans are (wait. does she have fans?) and start calling names. Stupid skinny girl with ugly eyebrows.

Orangeblossoms said...

Wow. I love "stupid skinny girl with ugly eyebrows." I couldn't have said it better myself. Actually, I seem to be lacking in the word department lately.

You are so right about the horrible eyebrows.

Ms Robinson said...

Oh god I have had enough of Sienna too. And what about that headline on the front. 840 Fearless, yes, Fearless Fashion looks. I mean were you scared?

moi said...

Pirate: And I shudder to think what will become of all those unread, undistributed Sept. issues. Perhaps a public pelting of Miss Wintour with said leftovers is in order . . .

Wicked: Cookie? Nookie box? Why, oh why, with our bazillion and one words in the English language, can we not come up with a pithy word for our private parts that isn't also a unisex cuss word in Britain? As for the flip flops, I can say nothing except you are for sure one of God's spayshul chillrun. I love you though, I do.

Stepherz: Sienna thinks she's funny, but she's just snot.

Orange: All day long, it's been going through my head, Faye Dunaway style: "NO! MORE! BUSHY! EYEBROWS!"

Ms R: Scared, you betcha, on many levels. One of which is, given the head-bangingly alliterative mess of it all, it seems that actual, professional writers are slowly being replaced by über precocious first-graders reiterating their favorite See & Say phrases.